It's been a week now since my left arm /chemo arm, that is, has had phlebitis. What a week it's been. It started out pretty slow getting my arm to stop hurting/aching and being overall "hot" to the touch. There has been swelling, too. So much fun -- I don't wish this on anyone. I don't wish any of this cancer walk on anyone for that matter. But either way, it's just another facet in this journey.
I went to my Lymphodema PT this past Friday and she was so much help making careful suggestions as to how I might get relief on this left arm. But we primarily had to focus on my right arm regarding my vein issue. Oh, yes, I still have that going on, but not in an emergency level. My PT stated that I'm doing a good job at home with the exercises I have been given to "move" the excess fluid that is hanging around in my bicep tricep area of my right arm. My former "port" scar is doing well -- it also pliable and the color is getting more to a normal skin color now. By the PT performing the special "massage" she does, it takes away the tightness of the skin and gives great relief off the arm as far as the fluid pressure is concerned.
It makes me relax a lot more which really helps my body out overall. All these little imbalances is a domino effect and causes the heart to work harder. That is another reason why I have to rest so much. But I am a very determined type person so I move forward as much as possible.
My overall energy is getting better with each day. I had a great day today and was able to hang out with my daughter and her "little sister" from Big Brothers /Big Sisters. We went to a ceramic painting studio for a few hours which was so relaxing and fun plus a creative outlet. It felt nice to have a sense of normalcy for a few hours. Love those times so much.
At one point I did get pretty overheated due to the fact the temperature was 94 degrees outside. I even took my bandana off for a few minutes publicly!!! What a coming out party for my scalp. Actually, it felt very natural for me to do so because I was so warm. There was another woman and her son sitting at another table -- they didn't seem to mind -- I didn't seem to mind either. All I knew was I needed to get cooled down. I'm sure before this whole baldness is finished, I will be exposing my scalp several more times. Once again: It is what it is. And I have to do what I need to in order to feel comfortable.
When I came home from my outing, I was a smart person and had a lunch and then took a rest. After the rest, which lasted about 1.5 hours, I was able to do my laundry and feel fine afterwards. Everyday mundane duties are good gauges to let me know how I'm doing that particular day. Like I stated earlier in the blog, today was a good day.
I can officially say, my Cup's Half Full again. Yay.
Ciao, Ciao!
Monday, June 20, 2011
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
I'M JUST SAYIN............
This early evening, my daughter and I ran to the grocery store to pick up some last-minute items for the house. During my check-out I was standing there with the cashier getting ready to begin my transaction. A lady and her 2 boys ( I would say one boy was about 7 years old and the other pre-teen)came up into the line and began to unload their groceries. The smaller of the 2 boys started to literally take my food and begin to play with it as if he were playing with a ball -- tossing it around and putting his little fingers all over. I caught him doing this and stated to him swiftly and non-agressively, "Honey, do not play with my food, please." His mom stopped what she was doing and gave me a look as if I had just beaten her child blue. I looked her straight in the eye and stated back to her, "I'm going through chemo currently, and your child has many, many germs and I didn't want him transferring his germs onto MY food." The woman didn't utter a word. I mean nothing. She just stared.
I guess honesty and being proactive and direct is something odd to her. I'm sure she was taken aback. Frankly, I don't give a crap. This is probably the first time I've EVER NOT apologized for something so direct. I was so shocked myself.
Now, understand, I, too, am a mom. I've been there and have done that... I'm not a know-it-all, but one thing I do know, it is MY responsibility to be the best parent I can/could be. If nothing else, the child just needed to be made aware and to learn a valuable lesson of NOT touching other people's things. But in this case, of course, I'm being very proactive regarding trying to keep germs as much at bay as possible.
Oh, yeah, and for those who feel I shouldn't be in public at all: Kiss my grits! Just kiss it! I have every RIGHT to be a part of the human race and to conduct business as usual whenever possible! I'm not going to hide just because I may make some individuals uncomfortable out there. If nothing else, it's time in 2011 that people understand there are millions of people out there that are dealing and fighting back away from cancer.
I guess my point is this: Those of you who have children, please be mindful to teach your children and remind them to be respectful of others if they are "different."
I know I am sensitive right now. What a week so far. But as I stood there continuing with my transaction, this woman -- this mother -- tried to stare me down. As if I'm going to engage with her and her "ego issue" regarding her poor little boy. First off, he's not a poor little boy. Children have an amazing way of understanding quickly. They are sharp as tacks. We under-estimate their abilities at times, I think. They are not going to melt if we look or speak to them in a manner that is not filled with melodic sounds. For heaven's sake! Please! I can't expect others to be as sensitive to other's feelings, but all I know is this would have been a perfect opportunity for that woman to have shown him a valuable lesson of life. But NO, I got the total: Don't you ever speak to my child like that again.
Meanwhile, the cashier was so supportive of me and was so genuinely concerned I was ok. I appreciate her support. But I tell you this, I was not about to back down and cave and become a feeble little victim. Hell NO! I wasn't defensive, I was direct & spoke with no inflection of the voice. Get over yourselves over protective parents!
It makes me appreciate all the parents in our neighborhood and those who are in our lives. They are all so wonderful and do such a great job of raising their children, because I never ever have to think twice about children overstepping their boundaries as if they own the cul-de-sac! I love these parents! You are all rock stars!
So I will continue to move forward and continue to do my business as I see fit. I'm not going to be a heat seeking missile on the lookout for little kids touching my stuff, but I am mindful. I have to be. My immune system is thoroughly compromised. It's not my choice to be in this situation! Hello............. If I had it my way, I would have loved to have traded spaces with that woman any day of the week.
So, I'm just sayin............ This too shall pass, I know. But I had to get this out of myself. Tomorrow will be brighter, of course! How can it not? Right?
Can't wait till this is a memory from a long time ago.
Ciao, Ciao!
I guess honesty and being proactive and direct is something odd to her. I'm sure she was taken aback. Frankly, I don't give a crap. This is probably the first time I've EVER NOT apologized for something so direct. I was so shocked myself.
Now, understand, I, too, am a mom. I've been there and have done that... I'm not a know-it-all, but one thing I do know, it is MY responsibility to be the best parent I can/could be. If nothing else, the child just needed to be made aware and to learn a valuable lesson of NOT touching other people's things. But in this case, of course, I'm being very proactive regarding trying to keep germs as much at bay as possible.
Oh, yeah, and for those who feel I shouldn't be in public at all: Kiss my grits! Just kiss it! I have every RIGHT to be a part of the human race and to conduct business as usual whenever possible! I'm not going to hide just because I may make some individuals uncomfortable out there. If nothing else, it's time in 2011 that people understand there are millions of people out there that are dealing and fighting back away from cancer.
I guess my point is this: Those of you who have children, please be mindful to teach your children and remind them to be respectful of others if they are "different."
I know I am sensitive right now. What a week so far. But as I stood there continuing with my transaction, this woman -- this mother -- tried to stare me down. As if I'm going to engage with her and her "ego issue" regarding her poor little boy. First off, he's not a poor little boy. Children have an amazing way of understanding quickly. They are sharp as tacks. We under-estimate their abilities at times, I think. They are not going to melt if we look or speak to them in a manner that is not filled with melodic sounds. For heaven's sake! Please! I can't expect others to be as sensitive to other's feelings, but all I know is this would have been a perfect opportunity for that woman to have shown him a valuable lesson of life. But NO, I got the total: Don't you ever speak to my child like that again.
Meanwhile, the cashier was so supportive of me and was so genuinely concerned I was ok. I appreciate her support. But I tell you this, I was not about to back down and cave and become a feeble little victim. Hell NO! I wasn't defensive, I was direct & spoke with no inflection of the voice. Get over yourselves over protective parents!
It makes me appreciate all the parents in our neighborhood and those who are in our lives. They are all so wonderful and do such a great job of raising their children, because I never ever have to think twice about children overstepping their boundaries as if they own the cul-de-sac! I love these parents! You are all rock stars!
So I will continue to move forward and continue to do my business as I see fit. I'm not going to be a heat seeking missile on the lookout for little kids touching my stuff, but I am mindful. I have to be. My immune system is thoroughly compromised. It's not my choice to be in this situation! Hello............. If I had it my way, I would have loved to have traded spaces with that woman any day of the week.
So, I'm just sayin............ This too shall pass, I know. But I had to get this out of myself. Tomorrow will be brighter, of course! How can it not? Right?
Can't wait till this is a memory from a long time ago.
Ciao, Ciao!
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
I spoke too soon
Maybe it's fate and maybe it's karma -- either way, I, apparently spoke too soon when I stated all is going well. This morning about 5:15am I woke up with a very sore left elbow. As I focused in on joint, I could see my vein was popped up -- the vein where my chemo IV drip had been placed. My joint, too, was swollen and sore to the touch. So without hesitation, I got out of bed and began my "checklist" of possibilities as to what was going on with my body. I had been warned that if this ever happened, I would need to contact the doc ASAP. Being the good little soldier, I did as I was told after I deduced this was not a good thing.
My oncologist contacted me back and we agreed I would be coming into his office just as soon as I could get there -- in La Jolla. I was instructed to take 2 aspirin, which I did.
I get to the office and Dr. B took a good look at my arm and told me he knows this is pretty superficial and that I have phlebitis. I will need to keep heat on it for the next 24 hrs and that it could possibly stay in this situation for at least 2 weeks. Hey, what's another 2 weeks, right? GEEEEEEE!!!! For Heaven's Sake! Yumpin-Yiminy!
My doc does believe that I may be susceptible to blood clots and will have to have a special test taken at my 5th chemo appointment to determine this. And this is very, very important to know since I will be having major surgery in August. Hey, I would have never known this had I not gone through chemo, right? I will be checking in with my mom to find out family history as to blood clots or not.
I ask for prayers. I must say, even though this is not life-threatening and it could be so much worse, I felt like I was kicked in my gut today. I did experience some major emotion inside and just wanted to unleash from a mountain ridge one big heartfelt scream of frustration. I know, I know, I'm very lucky and have been pretty lucky so far, but these little issues that keep cropping up are frustrating. I think that is the "perfectionist" in me that comes out periodically. I want things to go "right." I want it to be mundane. But I guess, there is nothing mundane about we Johnsons! I am one special little entity.
This is teaching me and I must learn something from it -- understanding, patience, humility?
Ok. Once again, I am open for the learning aspect of this journey. It's keeping me in check, that is for sure!
So here I sit, yet again, keeping the heat on my popped up vein and being good. I'm trying to do what I need to do to get over this hiccup in life. I ask for prayers and good thoughts and all that can keep me safe from further little complications. I will get through this and try to maintain my half-cup status as much as possible!
I will keep rolling on forward and defy this situation! Tomorrow, I'm taking a long walk for me in order to get this frustration out of my system! So there! Cancer: you've met your match! I will rise above this YOU and I will Smile back at you and know I have conquered and squashed your evil!
Ciao!Ciao!
My oncologist contacted me back and we agreed I would be coming into his office just as soon as I could get there -- in La Jolla. I was instructed to take 2 aspirin, which I did.
I get to the office and Dr. B took a good look at my arm and told me he knows this is pretty superficial and that I have phlebitis. I will need to keep heat on it for the next 24 hrs and that it could possibly stay in this situation for at least 2 weeks. Hey, what's another 2 weeks, right? GEEEEEEE!!!! For Heaven's Sake! Yumpin-Yiminy!
My doc does believe that I may be susceptible to blood clots and will have to have a special test taken at my 5th chemo appointment to determine this. And this is very, very important to know since I will be having major surgery in August. Hey, I would have never known this had I not gone through chemo, right? I will be checking in with my mom to find out family history as to blood clots or not.
I ask for prayers. I must say, even though this is not life-threatening and it could be so much worse, I felt like I was kicked in my gut today. I did experience some major emotion inside and just wanted to unleash from a mountain ridge one big heartfelt scream of frustration. I know, I know, I'm very lucky and have been pretty lucky so far, but these little issues that keep cropping up are frustrating. I think that is the "perfectionist" in me that comes out periodically. I want things to go "right." I want it to be mundane. But I guess, there is nothing mundane about we Johnsons! I am one special little entity.
This is teaching me and I must learn something from it -- understanding, patience, humility?
Ok. Once again, I am open for the learning aspect of this journey. It's keeping me in check, that is for sure!
So here I sit, yet again, keeping the heat on my popped up vein and being good. I'm trying to do what I need to do to get over this hiccup in life. I ask for prayers and good thoughts and all that can keep me safe from further little complications. I will get through this and try to maintain my half-cup status as much as possible!
I will keep rolling on forward and defy this situation! Tomorrow, I'm taking a long walk for me in order to get this frustration out of my system! So there! Cancer: you've met your match! I will rise above this YOU and I will Smile back at you and know I have conquered and squashed your evil!
Ciao!Ciao!
Monday, June 13, 2011
So Far So Good since 4th Chemo
I'm pretty amazed at the progress so far since Chemo #4. I've had my "new plan of attack" since discussing with my oncologist and chemo nurse what has been been going on with me by the 4th day after chemo treatments. I guess it's just too easy for words: keep yourself flushed out! Keep it flowing! DUH! Wow, what a difference.
Of course, when one has chemo administered into their bodies, it's certainly not a warm and fuzzy feeling as it does it's job. It's there to seek out and destroy as I've come to visualize.
Sunday was one of those days. My goodness, I felt sloggy all over again even though I feel ahead of the intestinal game. So sad I have to find little triumphs somehow even if it means discussing my bowels. LOL. Go figure. That's what keeps life interesting, right? I guess no one can say I'm boring. That is one thing I promised my hubby 28 years ago -- he would NEVER EVER be bored with me. I think I've kept my end of that bargain.
I felt so proud of myself today because I was able able to cook up a huge stock pot of chicken noodle soup. I have come to completely rely on this basic staple. There is nothing easier or healthier than to cook your own chicken noodle soup. It is the soup of the soul. Even the chemo can't ruin the flavor! There's a triumph! out-maneuvering the chemo. I think I'm getting pretty feisty about finishing up and succeeding past this chemo. All I know is I have only 2 more treatments! Dear GAWD, 2 more. I can and will do this and then I can gear up for my major surgery.
I'm already gearing up. I have to. I have been for weeks now. I think one thing that surprises me the most is the different stages I've been going through for this preparation of surgery. I knew I had it all intellectualized already. But then other factors have come into play now -- emotional, physical, future self-realization, spiritual, psychological, etc. It's starting to hit me in different ways. I'm taking it as it comes. Sometimes it's through a lot of tears. Once again, it's not because I'm losing my breasts; it's due to change -- forever change -- one more step of my journey. I'm feeling like I'm always changing right now -- which is true. I guess I feel I can't get my footing under me. One thing happens,then the next, the next and the next follows. Ok. I'm flexible, but please, let me breathe. And I find it so funny that I'm feeling this way, because I've always been that type of person, I can change and be flexible on a dime. I've had to do this most of my professional life as well as while being a mom, you're forever changing on a dime, right? Well, now, I'm wanting to slow this process down a bit. I need to be able to absorb. Perhaps, I'm learning about my patience -- learning not to do the knee-jerk reactions that so often happen in our daily lives. I'm a newby in the change of this cancer lifestyle. I also said it out loud again to my family the other day as well as to a friend: I want this cancer out of me. That is my truth still. Please, God, take it out of me! But the chemo is working and I know the "shrinkage" is my new best friend. Contrary to old episodes of Seinfeld, SHRINKAGE is great for me concerning my tumors!
Gotta love it.
I'm starting to go down the road of exhaustion right now. It's funny how it suddenly hits and my brain gets foggy and weak. Now is the time to exit out of this blog. My cup's still half full, it's just a little too full for it's own good if you know what I mean.
Keeping up the faith and doing all I can to get through this any way I can!
Ciao, ciao!
Of course, when one has chemo administered into their bodies, it's certainly not a warm and fuzzy feeling as it does it's job. It's there to seek out and destroy as I've come to visualize.
Sunday was one of those days. My goodness, I felt sloggy all over again even though I feel ahead of the intestinal game. So sad I have to find little triumphs somehow even if it means discussing my bowels. LOL. Go figure. That's what keeps life interesting, right? I guess no one can say I'm boring. That is one thing I promised my hubby 28 years ago -- he would NEVER EVER be bored with me. I think I've kept my end of that bargain.
I felt so proud of myself today because I was able able to cook up a huge stock pot of chicken noodle soup. I have come to completely rely on this basic staple. There is nothing easier or healthier than to cook your own chicken noodle soup. It is the soup of the soul. Even the chemo can't ruin the flavor! There's a triumph! out-maneuvering the chemo. I think I'm getting pretty feisty about finishing up and succeeding past this chemo. All I know is I have only 2 more treatments! Dear GAWD, 2 more. I can and will do this and then I can gear up for my major surgery.
I'm already gearing up. I have to. I have been for weeks now. I think one thing that surprises me the most is the different stages I've been going through for this preparation of surgery. I knew I had it all intellectualized already. But then other factors have come into play now -- emotional, physical, future self-realization, spiritual, psychological, etc. It's starting to hit me in different ways. I'm taking it as it comes. Sometimes it's through a lot of tears. Once again, it's not because I'm losing my breasts; it's due to change -- forever change -- one more step of my journey. I'm feeling like I'm always changing right now -- which is true. I guess I feel I can't get my footing under me. One thing happens,then the next, the next and the next follows. Ok. I'm flexible, but please, let me breathe. And I find it so funny that I'm feeling this way, because I've always been that type of person, I can change and be flexible on a dime. I've had to do this most of my professional life as well as while being a mom, you're forever changing on a dime, right? Well, now, I'm wanting to slow this process down a bit. I need to be able to absorb. Perhaps, I'm learning about my patience -- learning not to do the knee-jerk reactions that so often happen in our daily lives. I'm a newby in the change of this cancer lifestyle. I also said it out loud again to my family the other day as well as to a friend: I want this cancer out of me. That is my truth still. Please, God, take it out of me! But the chemo is working and I know the "shrinkage" is my new best friend. Contrary to old episodes of Seinfeld, SHRINKAGE is great for me concerning my tumors!
Gotta love it.
I'm starting to go down the road of exhaustion right now. It's funny how it suddenly hits and my brain gets foggy and weak. Now is the time to exit out of this blog. My cup's still half full, it's just a little too full for it's own good if you know what I mean.
Keeping up the faith and doing all I can to get through this any way I can!
Ciao, ciao!
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Chemo #4 FINISHED!!! 2 treaments left!!!
Yes, it's true. I just finished my chemo 4 treatment. No surprises other than they cut back a little more off Taxere to help me deal with my mouth issues -- I was experiencing mouth sores, but then last time they cut it back, but then I developed the strangest roughness that stopped me from being able to taste anything. So strange. It was as though I had a bad coating of fat all around my gums and not able to taste anything. Then it through my tastebuds way off. We will see if this new adjustment will make a difference.
The biggest and best news of all was the fact that BOTH docs agreed my tumors have shrunk more! I felt like busting out with tears. But all I could do was smile and just enjoy those words. I cannot believe I would love hearing: SHRINKAGE!!! But I love it. I love it so much. The craziness of all this toxic chemo is working, but more than that, I know all the prayers, good positive thoughts, great energy coming my way and all that LOVE is helping me! I know that in my soul. So amazing. Wow, what a roller coaster ride this is. I would never have believed it to this great degree how much I go up and down. Part of the process.
I gave my oncologist, Dr. B, my list of side effects and he stated they are all normal side effects -- oh joy. But at least there is nothing that is too daunting to deal with.
The docs also loved the fact my lymphodema PT is working. They saw the reduction in my swelling. I have a ways to go, of course, to get back to normal, but it's well on its way.
So now I will be very restful and take it easier for the next 5 days because this is the time that I have quite a bit of chemo in me. It really does slog a person down -- at least this person feels that way. I have learned to go with it. But no nausea.
One thing my oncologist told me that now in this stage of the game I may -- May-- not cast in stone, develop a tingling sensation in my fingers and/or toes. If this happens, they will take away the Taxere. Fine with me. But I may not see any of this. But at this phase of the chemo treatments, this can occur. Please, don't let it happen. I just have 2 more chemos and I want to coast this out without any incidents. So close now.
After all the chemos, I get 4 weeks off maybe a little more, but most likely 4 weeks. I will then have my bi-lateral mastectomy plus the removal of the affected lymph nodes from my left underarm.(axillary). I will be meeting my reconstructive plastic surgeon sometime in July. The team is starting to get ready for my planof attack.
I am in the process of trying to get myself completely ready for this radical change in my life. It's not going to be a cake walk by any stretch of the imagination. You just don't lop these breasts off. It's a real big deal and I have to catch up with that fact. I realize I'm not DEFINED by my tah-tahs. But there is the other aspect to consider. I will be different. I am different now. I will have a sense of relief getting rid of the cancer. I will also have to have radiation on a part of my center chest area as well. Not sure what the plan is for that at this point, but I will have that going on soon after my surgery. A lot to take on and a lot to come to terms with. And I will. It's the journey. My journey and I have to figure this out. I will. I'm doing well and I feel I'm doing this in a very healthy and logical manner. It's not to say I don't mourn. I do. I do a lot at times. But it's not for the vanity issues at all. They have been a part of me all my life. I had the honor of being able to nurse both of my daughters. I feel so blessed to have had that opportunity to give this to both of my daughters in the beginning of their lives. So beautiful, so bonding, so well-worth it. I am eternally grateful for this gift. But now it's different. It's survival -- literally. So that is my choice and I'm at peace with this decision.
I was also given permission today to be able to travel up to see my mom and family/friends for a short trip up to Eureka! I imagine I'll be able to do so a couple weeks after my last chemo treatment! I am so excited about this. I need to see my mom before I go in for surgery. It's actually easier for me to travel to see her rather than have my 88 year-old mom travel to see me. She'll be safe in her home; a sense of security being in her own home and not having to deal with so much change. They can get so disoriented. This is why I need to see her up there. I'm missing my former home a bit. I feel I need to do this before my surgery. Boy, are you in for a surprise seeing my BALDNESS!!! LOL!! Oh, well. I feel so comfortable with this look. No wigs still. I just cannot do it. Too hot on the head and very odd for me. No way.
Yes, my Cup's Half Full! Hanging in there and hoping this go around with chemo won't be too dramatic. Who really knows? I will go with it -- can't help but have to go through it either way! Right?
Sending back love
Ciao, Ciao
The biggest and best news of all was the fact that BOTH docs agreed my tumors have shrunk more! I felt like busting out with tears. But all I could do was smile and just enjoy those words. I cannot believe I would love hearing: SHRINKAGE!!! But I love it. I love it so much. The craziness of all this toxic chemo is working, but more than that, I know all the prayers, good positive thoughts, great energy coming my way and all that LOVE is helping me! I know that in my soul. So amazing. Wow, what a roller coaster ride this is. I would never have believed it to this great degree how much I go up and down. Part of the process.
I gave my oncologist, Dr. B, my list of side effects and he stated they are all normal side effects -- oh joy. But at least there is nothing that is too daunting to deal with.
The docs also loved the fact my lymphodema PT is working. They saw the reduction in my swelling. I have a ways to go, of course, to get back to normal, but it's well on its way.
So now I will be very restful and take it easier for the next 5 days because this is the time that I have quite a bit of chemo in me. It really does slog a person down -- at least this person feels that way. I have learned to go with it. But no nausea.
One thing my oncologist told me that now in this stage of the game I may -- May-- not cast in stone, develop a tingling sensation in my fingers and/or toes. If this happens, they will take away the Taxere. Fine with me. But I may not see any of this. But at this phase of the chemo treatments, this can occur. Please, don't let it happen. I just have 2 more chemos and I want to coast this out without any incidents. So close now.
After all the chemos, I get 4 weeks off maybe a little more, but most likely 4 weeks. I will then have my bi-lateral mastectomy plus the removal of the affected lymph nodes from my left underarm.(axillary). I will be meeting my reconstructive plastic surgeon sometime in July. The team is starting to get ready for my planof attack.
I am in the process of trying to get myself completely ready for this radical change in my life. It's not going to be a cake walk by any stretch of the imagination. You just don't lop these breasts off. It's a real big deal and I have to catch up with that fact. I realize I'm not DEFINED by my tah-tahs. But there is the other aspect to consider. I will be different. I am different now. I will have a sense of relief getting rid of the cancer. I will also have to have radiation on a part of my center chest area as well. Not sure what the plan is for that at this point, but I will have that going on soon after my surgery. A lot to take on and a lot to come to terms with. And I will. It's the journey. My journey and I have to figure this out. I will. I'm doing well and I feel I'm doing this in a very healthy and logical manner. It's not to say I don't mourn. I do. I do a lot at times. But it's not for the vanity issues at all. They have been a part of me all my life. I had the honor of being able to nurse both of my daughters. I feel so blessed to have had that opportunity to give this to both of my daughters in the beginning of their lives. So beautiful, so bonding, so well-worth it. I am eternally grateful for this gift. But now it's different. It's survival -- literally. So that is my choice and I'm at peace with this decision.
I was also given permission today to be able to travel up to see my mom and family/friends for a short trip up to Eureka! I imagine I'll be able to do so a couple weeks after my last chemo treatment! I am so excited about this. I need to see my mom before I go in for surgery. It's actually easier for me to travel to see her rather than have my 88 year-old mom travel to see me. She'll be safe in her home; a sense of security being in her own home and not having to deal with so much change. They can get so disoriented. This is why I need to see her up there. I'm missing my former home a bit. I feel I need to do this before my surgery. Boy, are you in for a surprise seeing my BALDNESS!!! LOL!! Oh, well. I feel so comfortable with this look. No wigs still. I just cannot do it. Too hot on the head and very odd for me. No way.
Yes, my Cup's Half Full! Hanging in there and hoping this go around with chemo won't be too dramatic. Who really knows? I will go with it -- can't help but have to go through it either way! Right?
Sending back love
Ciao, Ciao
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Lymphodema PT
I began my physical theraphy for my right arm this past Thursday. I was evaluated by Emily, my new PT for my swelling in my right arm. Very interesting to learn about how our bodies work with regard to our lymphatic system. I was given some homework to do over the weekend to get me started loosening up the swelling that is primarily in my upper arm & armpit area. I was pleasantly surprised to find out that all I need to do is lightly stroke the areas that are affected in a certain circular motion to get it to travel to the different lymphatic areas.
I went to my appointment today in Corona for my official first day of treatment on my right arm. It went really well. She knew I had was pretty diligent working on my affected area. She could tell by how much fluid was located in my armpit. She was able to move the fluid after about 30 minutes of a certain type of massage. Very interesting to say the least and it was really relaxing. She is letting me know my arm will improve, but it will take some time. Amazing how our bodies work and how long it takes to heal. No quick fixes; just a lot of diligence and consistency and follow-through in order for improvement. I don't mind it at all. I just want full use of my arm again without the swelling.
Overall, I'm feeling pretty normal right now (what is my new normal, that is). I took a rest today -- had a power nap and then was ready for the rest of the afternoon. Pretty much now, I must take rests and/or naps in order to make it through the day without becoming completely incapacitated. Still must keep up the fluids and make sure I have my little snacks nearby.
I have my 4th chemo treatment this Thursday, June 9. I begin, once again, with my anti-inflammatories tomorrow. I have truly grown to resent the heck out of those pills. I just don't like what it does to my body; but it does prevent me from major reactions to the Taxotere (chemo drug) I am administered. Boy, it keeps me awake so then I must take a sleeping pill. But I must say, the sleep aid I take is great because I do not have a hangover effect like I used to have with Tylenol PM.
I guess I'm rather quiet these days regarding the writing about my treatment. I can feel my tumors are shrinking and cannot wait for my docs to see the progress. I'm surprised how routine I'm feeling about this treatment. I'm doing what I can which is taking care of myself. I always feel guilt regarding how hard my family works for me. They insist and I have given up fighting them. There simply is no point in arguing or trying to prove something to myself when all it does is put me in a vulnerable situation in the longrun. So I go with the program anymore.
I, like others, simply want to have my life back and freedoms to come and go as we please. I must learn more patience and that is a daily battle for me. Everyone is living their lives. I sit here watching the grass grow. LOL.
But then I remember reality. But it's hard not to feel these feelings.
So for now, I'm status quo. Feeling strong and resting well. I get to do things outside the home for a few more hours which I savor! My prayers & positive attitude is stronger than ever and keeps me level of stress to minimum levels. I would be lying if I didn't admit that I'm already getting prepared for my surgery which will happen in mid August. I know this one is going to be a true test of my being. Lots of thoughts on this subject, but am not willing to write about it currently. I think it would exhaust me to go there currently -- not to mention I know my tears will start the flood-gates again and I don't want to do that now. Will touch on this subject later, but not now.
I am enjoying this beautiful weather -- don't like the wind, but could be worse.
I'm doing well and I hope for continued prayers, good thoughts and great energy coming from my extended friends and family.
Ciao! Ciao all!
I went to my appointment today in Corona for my official first day of treatment on my right arm. It went really well. She knew I had was pretty diligent working on my affected area. She could tell by how much fluid was located in my armpit. She was able to move the fluid after about 30 minutes of a certain type of massage. Very interesting to say the least and it was really relaxing. She is letting me know my arm will improve, but it will take some time. Amazing how our bodies work and how long it takes to heal. No quick fixes; just a lot of diligence and consistency and follow-through in order for improvement. I don't mind it at all. I just want full use of my arm again without the swelling.
Overall, I'm feeling pretty normal right now (what is my new normal, that is). I took a rest today -- had a power nap and then was ready for the rest of the afternoon. Pretty much now, I must take rests and/or naps in order to make it through the day without becoming completely incapacitated. Still must keep up the fluids and make sure I have my little snacks nearby.
I have my 4th chemo treatment this Thursday, June 9. I begin, once again, with my anti-inflammatories tomorrow. I have truly grown to resent the heck out of those pills. I just don't like what it does to my body; but it does prevent me from major reactions to the Taxotere (chemo drug) I am administered. Boy, it keeps me awake so then I must take a sleeping pill. But I must say, the sleep aid I take is great because I do not have a hangover effect like I used to have with Tylenol PM.
I guess I'm rather quiet these days regarding the writing about my treatment. I can feel my tumors are shrinking and cannot wait for my docs to see the progress. I'm surprised how routine I'm feeling about this treatment. I'm doing what I can which is taking care of myself. I always feel guilt regarding how hard my family works for me. They insist and I have given up fighting them. There simply is no point in arguing or trying to prove something to myself when all it does is put me in a vulnerable situation in the longrun. So I go with the program anymore.
I, like others, simply want to have my life back and freedoms to come and go as we please. I must learn more patience and that is a daily battle for me. Everyone is living their lives. I sit here watching the grass grow. LOL.
But then I remember reality. But it's hard not to feel these feelings.
So for now, I'm status quo. Feeling strong and resting well. I get to do things outside the home for a few more hours which I savor! My prayers & positive attitude is stronger than ever and keeps me level of stress to minimum levels. I would be lying if I didn't admit that I'm already getting prepared for my surgery which will happen in mid August. I know this one is going to be a true test of my being. Lots of thoughts on this subject, but am not willing to write about it currently. I think it would exhaust me to go there currently -- not to mention I know my tears will start the flood-gates again and I don't want to do that now. Will touch on this subject later, but not now.
I am enjoying this beautiful weather -- don't like the wind, but could be worse.
I'm doing well and I hope for continued prayers, good thoughts and great energy coming from my extended friends and family.
Ciao! Ciao all!
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
On the mend
After being on the antibiotics for 4 days, I'm definitely on the mend. I managed to dodge a bullet by not needing to go the hospital afterall. I responded very quickly to the effects of the antibiotics. And I haven't gotten a yeast infection as of now, but am ready with ammo if I do start to feel those symptoms to rear their ugly little heads.
I do, however, have this lingering cough which I am watching closely. It's a big cough that exhausts me by the end of the day. I don't cough all day, thank goodness, but when I do cough, it's very intense. Today, I've begun to take a decongestant to see if this can assist in breaking it up.
Life has been very limited for me and am starting to climb the walls a bit. I did get out yesterday for a while so we were able to take in a lunch, a few errands then come home. I wasn't exhausted but my cough really came on strong for a while. So I began my regimen of hot tea and gargling. I'm sure out local winds do not help this cough. I do know a lot of people here are really suffering big time with all their allergies. So we'll see what gives.
I have almost forgotten, but I finally found --or I should say, Jim found me a Lymphodema PT in Corona -- about 25 minutes up the road. So tomorrow I go get an evaluation as to how we will proceed with my veins in my right arm. I don't actually have a lymph node issues, but this surrounds my lack of blood flow from my port I had removed. I continue to have some swelling and discolorations. I can also visibly see where my surface veins are more prominent. So they need to be redirected to get the other veins involved once again for proper blood flow. I'm rather excited to see and meet this PT for my next plan of attack. Hey, I have to have some sort of something to look forward to. LOL.
Other than that, my dogs are really good. Poor Chewy got attacked by me and my scissors the other day. At least I can see his cute little eyes, ears and mouth again! LOL. Woody continues to be such a sweet and ever-so-faithful boy. Of course, my family is my strength and continued support. All my close friends seem to know when they should call. THANK YOU. It's times like these when we find out who are your true friends. I send my love back at you. I continue to pray, meditate and try to visualize the positive outcome of this journey. Somes days are easier than others. I pray that this disease will be erradicated one day.
My cup's half full but being challenged! I will get through this. I think its one step at a time. Give me strength. Give me Hope and above all Give me the Love so as this cancer has no room to stay!
Ciao, Ciao!
I do, however, have this lingering cough which I am watching closely. It's a big cough that exhausts me by the end of the day. I don't cough all day, thank goodness, but when I do cough, it's very intense. Today, I've begun to take a decongestant to see if this can assist in breaking it up.
Life has been very limited for me and am starting to climb the walls a bit. I did get out yesterday for a while so we were able to take in a lunch, a few errands then come home. I wasn't exhausted but my cough really came on strong for a while. So I began my regimen of hot tea and gargling. I'm sure out local winds do not help this cough. I do know a lot of people here are really suffering big time with all their allergies. So we'll see what gives.
I have almost forgotten, but I finally found --or I should say, Jim found me a Lymphodema PT in Corona -- about 25 minutes up the road. So tomorrow I go get an evaluation as to how we will proceed with my veins in my right arm. I don't actually have a lymph node issues, but this surrounds my lack of blood flow from my port I had removed. I continue to have some swelling and discolorations. I can also visibly see where my surface veins are more prominent. So they need to be redirected to get the other veins involved once again for proper blood flow. I'm rather excited to see and meet this PT for my next plan of attack. Hey, I have to have some sort of something to look forward to. LOL.
Other than that, my dogs are really good. Poor Chewy got attacked by me and my scissors the other day. At least I can see his cute little eyes, ears and mouth again! LOL. Woody continues to be such a sweet and ever-so-faithful boy. Of course, my family is my strength and continued support. All my close friends seem to know when they should call. THANK YOU. It's times like these when we find out who are your true friends. I send my love back at you. I continue to pray, meditate and try to visualize the positive outcome of this journey. Somes days are easier than others. I pray that this disease will be erradicated one day.
My cup's half full but being challenged! I will get through this. I think its one step at a time. Give me strength. Give me Hope and above all Give me the Love so as this cancer has no room to stay!
Ciao, Ciao!
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