Saw my Plastic Surgeon

I had my follow-up appointment with my surgeon who is doing my reconstruction.  To my surprise, he removed the drain tubes.  I had 4 tubes total -- 2 on each side; I had the first set removed the week after surgery; now these removed.  I thought they were not being removed due to the fact I still was producing too much fluid. Apparently not!  So good to see them be removed. Didn't hurt at all.  My doctor is very pleased at my healing progress. My skin color is great, the shape is good and no infection in site at all.  I still don't like these expanders inside my chest cavity.  It's a weird feeling and can be uncomfortable, but it could be worse.  At least it's not chemo!  LOL. 

I never thought I could be so thrilled to have a couple of drains removed from my body.  It means that I can now take a SHOWER!!  Simple things in life are usually the best.  Needless to say, the shower is the best gift to me today.  The doc said I had to wait till this morning to take one.  So I did.  I feel like more of a human being. Thank you, doc! 

The next step for now is to continue to rest and do nothing due to the fact I should not move around a lot and produce more fluid in my body.  I also want to avoid any kind of infection which most definitely can happen at this time. I am bored out of my mind, but I do keep myself busy with my knitting, writing and watching my movies. I do read but I still have that attention issue going on.  But I try daily.  It's getting better slowly.  I never really understood what "major surgery" was truly until going through it myself.  Wow, it beats the heck out of a body.  One moment you feel on top of the world and in the next you feel like a Mack truck has broad-sided you.  It can be very frustrating.  But once you make up your mind to relax about it, life gets easier.  Once again, my famous mantra:  IT IS WHAT IT IS.....

Next week I go to the doctor, this time it's my oncologist, to see what is next regarding my radiation treatment. I hope he gives me a little longer to heal before I begin my next and final treatment plan.  I can handle this treatment, but it's going to be 5 days a week for 6 weeks. It's going to be "my job" for a short period of time.  I keep on hoping my doctor will tell me it's only going to be 4 weeks' rather than 6.  I keep on praying.  Maybe it will happen. 

Life continues to get better. I know I have a few more hills to get over, but at least I'm on the other side now.  My hair is growing back; my eyelashes are coming back as well as my eyebrows. It's funny how I'm more thrilled about my eyelashes and eyebrows more so than my hair on my head. 

I'm so happy that we are coming into Fall and that soon my family will bring my Mom down here to stay a few months with us. I cannot wait for that.  I'm so lucky to have her in good health and of sound mind so we can enjoy her.  We are blessed.

so my Cup's half full and continuing!   To the next chapters in life!  I hope all embrace life more and find the happier side of life. 

Ciao, Ciao

Post Surgery - 2 weeks later

I cannot believe how quickly 2 weeks have passed by so far.  A lot has transpired since my surgery. 
Overall, I'm doing quite well.  Healing has been amazing. I had a Therapist living with us for about 10 days helping me with my recovery.  She has helped with blood circulation activation, nerve activation and bone activation. It's hard for Americans to understand what the heck kind of therapy this is, but it's very popular in Europe where she lives and works.  My post-surgery circulation is amazing. My skin tone is beautiful!  The docs are so amazed at how well my surgery site looks. I have no necrosis (dead skin) at the breast area, my overall energy is very good considering I went through major surgery, digestion is wonderful, no pain meds after 3 days home.  Although yesterday I did have a set-back of sorts due to the fact I did too much because I've been feeling so much better -- oh, yes, still live and learn daily. 

And the most remarkable change for me is 2 days after I began this therapy for recovery, my hair on my head started to come back!  I have hair growing again!  I look like a Chia Pet in full bloom!  LOL!! Then, of course, the leg hair has decided it needs to make it's presence known as well -- ok, I should be grateful for returning hair, but I could be happy if it didn't come back.  (oh, how ungrateful I sound!  LOL).  But today, for the first time, I see my EYE LASHES GROWING BACK!!!!  I have 3 on my left eye that are popping out and several on my right eye.  Not sure why the right is so much more, but who cares!!  My eyebrows are growing back in as well.  Before long, I shall look less like Uncle Fester and more like ME again. Or at least the NEW ME. 

In case some are wondering, I'm not completely flat chested.  I still have little lady bumps as one can say.  And remember, my pathology came back CLEAR/CLEAN with a large margin surrounding it of clear, clean cells.  So there is no reason to take all of my tissue.  I do have chest expanders under my chest muscle which, I have to be honest, are really weird feeling and tight feeling. I guess it's different for women who get augmentation not to feel it like this, but still, it's not my idea of a good feeling. I have to wear a special bra similar to women who get augmentation.  It's a corsett of sorts which can be very uncomfortable especially at night when trying to sleep. I don't wear it during the day but wear it if I get into a car or if I go for a walk outside. Not sure how long I will have this thing, but cannot wait to get rid of it.  I have 2 more surgeries regarding my breast reconstruction. This first  surgery, obviously was for removing the cancer -- getting the clear/clean pathology. The next 2 will be the actual rebuilding of my breasts. I'm not going larger -- going for the perky look!  LOL!! Cannot wait for that to occur. Recently, I met a few women who did not have reconstruction surgery or considered it during the process of their mastectomies.  They didn't know about reconstruction and what it could do for them -- So I had the opportunity to educate them a bit of what I know and make recommendations for them. That made me feel a little bit empowered due to the fact most of my days are spent inside recuperating from something.....Either way, to bond with strangers is a pretty cool thing.
I'm not running around being gleeful due to the fact I physically cannot do so.  I move slowly and methodically as I walk.  I cannot be jostled around at all. I went for a car ride the other day (this past Sunday) and by the time I got home, I needed to lay down for awhile.  I paid the price yesterday big time.  I even had to take pain meds, so I'm learning to believe what the docs say when they tell you to take it really easy and don't be fooled by feeling better. You still have to keep it mellow.  I still don't understand completely what "mellow" means in my world.  I want to do!  I want to make up for loss time; but if I'm not smart, I will put myself back further and it will take a lot longer for recovery. I think I'm feeling so close to freedom that I just want to go for it, but I know better than to push it, but sometimes I cannot help myself. 

I now have my youngest daughter, Amy,  and my son-in-law, Loreto, here helping out.  What a Godsend they are.  They are constantly taking care of something around the house.  This has helped my oldest daughter to get some rest and for my hubby to rest as well.  I love my family so much. While in the hospital, my youngest daughter, Amy, stayed with me 24/7!  She was my advocate. Watching everything the nurses and/or docs were up to.  I truly believe anytime we have a loved one and/or dear friend in the hospital or in need, we NEED to be an advocate for them -- to make sure things are getting done -- to be a watchdog of sorts.  Getting the correct information -- asking questions when one doesn't understand. I tell you, I was completely incoherent for the first 24 hrs.  I was making poor choices which my family would correct immediately.  Thank GOD for my family.  But I implore to those who have loved one's please, please, please make the time for them when they are going through some kind of procedure, doc appointments, times of need and/or hospital stays.  It makes a difference in the overall care process which will ultimately translate into their recovery process. I guess it's called  LOVE! 

When I first came home, my chocolate lab,Woody, was freaked out -- worried, I guess.  He could smell and sense the difference in me.  But within 2 days, he was coming around me and wanting me to love on him. His sweet eyes told the story of worry.  I cannot imagine going through something like this ever again without my animals around me.  They have been a constant source of love! Any of you who have pets understands what I'm talking about. They are my loves big time.  It really helps comfort me when I'm really having a difficult time coping with pain or being emotional.

My friends and family have been so generous to me during this time of recuperation. Actually, they have been beyond supportive through this whole ordeal! I cannot thank everyone enough.  I hope in the future I can somehow give back. I'll figure it out eventually.  It moves me to tears thinking about all the love still surrounding me. I love you all.  I love you beyond words.  You know who you are!!!! ;)

I know my train of thought is all over the page -- hopefully, soon I will be back on track and able to communicate better. I continue to rest and then walk about the house and down the block.  Just don't like these tubes/and my "cajonez" hanging off me. It's quite the picture!  LOL.  I do laugh!  I do laugh a lot more but sometimes it hurts when I laugh really hard.  So now I have developed this silly laugh which makes me laugh more -- oh, well, as long as I'm laughing.  It's the good stuff, right? So when you can, laugh.............It's true -- it's the greatest medicine.

PS.  Just got off the phone with my reconstructive plastic surgeon's office. I have to stop moving for 2 more days - stop my fluid from producing.  But they want to see me on Friday, Sept. 16 -- and hopefully, I'll have my tubes removed!  This translates into being able to SHOWER!!! Sponge baths don't cut it; ya know?  LOL. 

Yes, my cup maybe half full -- but my Cup's still half full (get it?) 

Ciao, Ciao all!

PSS:  Happy BIRTHDAY MOM!!! You are a young 88 year old!  Way to go!  Just wish we could be there to celebrate with you.  We love you so much.

 

POST SURGERY - BRIEF UPDATE

I feel like I'm dancing through the ocean spray waving my hands gleefully in the air while my smile is from ear to ear because the cancer is out of MY BODY!  Also, my pathology did come back CLEAR!!!!!  Let me say it again:  MY PATHOLOGY IS CLEAR!!!! 

I have never been so over-joyed in my life!  My doctor removed 17 lymph nodes and 2 of those nodes were malignant tumors. However, the margin around these nodes were clear, clear, clear.  He removed a node up at the apex of the node area to make double-sure and it was completely clean.  He took other biopsies from my right breast area -- all clear.  Just writing it makes me cry and laugh at the same time all over again.  It's so wonderful.  I prayed for this, others prayed for this, and I know my angels around me embraced me this whole time through it.  It's so wonderful I cannot express, once again, properly.

Suffice it to say, my family and I are gleeful. I still have a lot of recooperation to deal with and then the radiation, but knowing this positivity is here, I'm on top of the world. As we approach this Labor Day Weekend, I cannot help but reflect on the fact I'm living, I'm truly ALIVE inside and out and a new beginning is here.  I will write more later, but I just had to spread the news!  What better news could there be but to celebrate LIFE!  I'm so grateful and cannot thank those around me as well as those who have been spiritually with me through this.  I have a lot more to write about, but for now LITERALLY my Cup's Half Full -- cuz it is. My breasts are half the size they were -- LOL!! What an amazing job my docs are doing.  My reconstruction is just beginning, but my bilateral mastectomy is finished! 

Ciao, Ciao! Must take my nap....Rest and recuperate!   

THIS IS IT -- Tomorrow Begins a New Journey

How does time fly by so quickly is beyond my comprehension. But it has and now tomorrow, Monday, August 29, 2011, is almost here. 

A lot has happened since the last time I wrote on my blog. 

I had my breast MRI, I had a 2nd venous doplar study (vein study) and had a 2nd PET SCAN. 

I have all good news, if you can believe that one.  To begin with, my breast MRI showed my left axillary (armpit/node area) and left breast with significant reductions in the tumors.  My doctors were so amazingly happy.  And, of course, so am I and my family.  I cannot explain the sense of relief I have been living since all the test results. I think I floated out of the surgeon's office. I had a lot of hugs from the nurses and all around me!  Very cool situation to be in considering my original tumor in my armpit was 5 cm and now is down to a small pea is almost inconceivable to me. My tumors in my breast are little blips on the screen. Very small -- well below how it started.  The PET Scan also showed negative results which means there are no other areas in my body that have cancer attached. The shadow that showed in the center of my chest is now GONE!!! However, that doesn't mean I don't avoid radiation.  I will still have radiation in that area and in my axillary area and I imagine there might be radiation in my left breast area, but am not sure on that one just yet.  My doplar study showed that there is no superficial blood clot in my right arm either.  Way back at the beginning of all the chemo treatments I had the issue with my right arm developing a small superficial blood clot due to the port placement and the initial treatment with 3 chemo drugs -- one notably the nemisus:  Adrymyacine.  (evil but effective drug). Anyway, my veins are all flowing properly throughout my arm and through the area where the incision was made.  It takes months for veins to get back to working properly, which also means that the inflammation I was experiencing takes time to go away. All this is due to chemo ~ bottom line.  I just have to be patient a little while longer, but at least I know that time will heal. 

So once I got these results back, I have been able to feel a sense of relaxation -- breathe a little easier and know that I will be able to go into my surgery stronger mentally/emotionally with greater hope than I could have expected.  I know in my heart of hearts that all this good news isn't just because chemo did it's job.  My unexpected great results are because of prayers, because of the good, positive attitude I have been holding onto, because of the love that has been coming my way from here or from around the world.  I know all of this has helped my treatment. 

I am very ready for this cancer to be out of my body and I expect my team of doctors will be at their best tomorrow morning since I am the first surgery of the day for them.  They have assured me they are ready. I told them both to make sure to get a good night's sleep and DO NOT drink coffee before touching a scalpel! LOL!! They got a good chuckle out of that one.  My family and I will be leaving home by 4am to get to the hospital. I have to be there by 5:15am. I also told the docs I want to be put out rather quickly because I don't want to watch them get ready for me in the operating room.  Last time I had a little too much time to chat with people while they were readying the room.  I don't want to see that this time. The surgery is supposed to last 5 - 6 hrs total, but I have a huntch that may not occur.  My general surgeon, Dr. Hyde, stated that it should be simpler than first anticipated, so we'll see.  My reconstructive surgeon, Dr. Barttelbort, has the majority of the work to begin tomorrow as well.  I have been prepped that this is not the finish work surgery. This is the beginning phase of reconstruction.  I will have 2 more surgeries after this one.  It may be one year before this is truly over for the reconstructive portion.

I have been told repeatedly that I need to be more authentic with my life overall.  This whole journey has been teaching me how to be more authentic in my life.  I notice through this writing that I am in the process of learning more and more about myself and how it's okay to not be happy at all times if that's NOT what I'm feeling. It's okay to admit that life isn't so great today or that I don't feel like talking to whoever it may be at that time. But it's very important to be present and enjoying life -- really embracing it more than I thought could possibly be embraced.  I have always thought I was enjoying life to it's fullest when in fact, I may not have been so much.  I certainly know I worried a lot.  I worried about the things in life that we have no control of.  I continue to learn daily and I continue to love life more and more.

Today has been a day of getting my final obligations in order such as paying our monthly bills, doing last minute laundry, got my medical bed made up with sheets with extra padding, packing my bag, and doing some physical therapy for circulation.  Been receiving quite a few phone calls which has made me very emotional -- which is a good thing. I am grateful for all the love coming my way.  It was pretty difficult talking with my Mother today.  She was very emotional which caused me to start crying.  It's so difficult not seeing her in person before this surgery.  I will speak with her before tomorrow again.  

My hubby is asleep right now and we're supposed to be going to a baseball game. Not sure if we are going to make it to this one.  The game is being played earlier than normal and it's hot outside ~ almost 100 degrees.  In Lake Elsinore, where the game is being played, it's going to be even hotter.  We'll see if we go -- I think we'll make it. We want to take Amy's friend to the game -- it will be her first American game she has attended. She is originally from Greece and now lives in France.  It's great having her here.  She has been so helpful!

Okay.  the next time I write will be updating all as to what has transpired since my bi-lateral mastectomy.

I am ready.  I feel very calm and confident with my decision.  Here I go!  The new Lynn is about to emerge into a new butterfly (at least I hope).  Not sure what the road will show me this time, but I'm sure it's going to be okay.  Think CLEAR PATHOLOGY!!!

And, once again, my Cup's Half Full -- and now it truly will be....................

To be continued!

Ciao, Ciao  

 

MRI TUESDAY

I had a very busy day, Tuesday.  I started out by going over to my plastic surgeon's office to fill out paperwork for my surgery, etc. Then off to my breast MRI.  That went well. I still cannot get over how LOUD those stupid machines are.  I envision some kind of engineer trying to figure out how they can develop a machine that can get into the psyche of a person's mind.  All those various sound levels and cranking sounds. So strange to me.  Why can they not make an MRI machine "do their thing" but without all those noises?  We do live in 2011; don't we?  Just wondering........... Anyway, getting back on track.................After the MRI, I went up into the "Tower" where my general surgeon resides to review with him my results of the MRI.  What's cool is that they have the ability to review results from medical tests on the Scripp's computer systems program almost immediately. It's very efficient.  

Oh, I should back up a bit and let all know Jim and I were greatly surprised Monday night by Amy arriving into the states and surprising us big time at Ashley's home!  Oh, yeah, I cried and laughed like a baby!  I've been wanting her to be here for so long and she's finally here!  They got us good!  Ashley arranged all this secretively for over a month now.  Sneaky, beautiful woman! Love her!  Anyway, Amy is here and we are back together! WE cannot wait for our son-in-law to arrive soon as well!  But for now, it's the 4 of us again!  So glad she can be here while all these preparations are going on and that we have a chance to catch up before surgery happens.

Back to the doc's visit...........

I'm waiting there along with my family and my doctor literally busts in the office exam room with his eyes bulging big time.  He states, "You have AMAZING RESULTS!" "I cannot believe these results; they are simply AMAZING!"  He went on to explain my tumors have shrunk so much that they are practically non-existent!  Of course, once again, I began to cry and laugh at the same time -- how that happens, I don't know, but what great news, right?  What phenominal news!  When you have a tumor in your axillary go from 5 cm to a mere small pea size, once gets excited!  My breast tumors are like little blips on the screen!  Incomprehensible!  The chemo did it's job and the PRAYERS AND POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS did the biggest job of all, we all believe!  But most of all the doc was beside himself. He is a very dignified person. He is always caustiously optimistic, reserved because they must be. He deals with the worst situations that come his way -- he can't be animated necessarily. But he was practically doing a jig in the office.  We all just hugged! Then we got back to the business at hand at preparation for my surgery. But because of the change in my tissues and circumstance, the surgery will change as to how they will deal with my removal of the affected areas.  I will be having another PET scan and Venous Doplar Study this week.  I'm curious to see if the spot that exists in my chest is gone now. Not sure if this will stop them from radiating that area -- probably not, but it will give me more a peace of mind that it may be gone.

I keep on saying my prayers and meditations and positive affirmations.  No matter what, I am going to beat this Cancer!  It cannot get Lynn Johnson!  It simply CANNOT!

Anyway, getting back to the doc exam.  He told us to come into this office to see the MRI images.  Wow, wow, wow!  I/we never saw the first set of images -- probably due to the fact I had been in such a shock type mindset and didn't even ask.  Neither one of us asked to see.  And I'm sooooooooooooo glad I didn't see my first set of images. It looked to me like a bad weather pattern coming across a region of land!  What a mass of destruction called Cancer.  Very scary stuff. I think it would have put me back emotionally, mentally, and physically!  Would have been counter productive for me. Not to say that anyone else wouldn't want to see their images, but for me, NO.  Now seeing the comparison images was great.  I could see the before and after chemo.  My tissues look so clear and clean with little and I mean LITTLE tumors.  And without all the other blurry tissue malformations.  All I could do was say to myself, "Thank you God! And Thank you ALL for those prayers!"  So profound and I cannot express this well enough.  I also have a sense of relief even though the cancer is still there.  Odd, I know, but in cases such as mine, prognosis can be very difficult. It doesn't always turn around this dramatically.  I have realized this from the beginning.  I knew this.  But one doesn't want to focus on that fact.  I want to focus on how to make this better and get well!  My goal has always been to grow very old with Jim and to enjoy our unborn grandchildren.  I also want to continue my travels around the US and the world.  I have a life I want to continue to live. I am living, but obviously not completely.  I'm working on that part.  None of us have guarantees. I get that, but I don't want Cancer in my life.  And I certainly don't want it to be the main concern in my life.  I still feel it's an unwelcomed intruder.  So it must go away.  And I do believe we are on the right path for that to become a reality!

Isn't this great news?  I'm so stoked!  I'm so hopeful and greatful for the way things are being handled.  One step at a time and not putting the cart before the horse.  I know I have a long way still, but it's looking bright!  And I'm going to enjoy that fact. 

I know I have a  huge surgery coming up. It's very daunting to me, but I can get through the physical aspect of it. I will wrap my brain around this process and do my part. I continue to need prayers and ask it of anyone who cares.  My family needs prayers. But I know we are being supported.  If we weren't, there would be another type prognosis happening now.  

Yes, Yes, Yes, my Cup's Half Full! More than ever!  LOL!! Will keep all posted as to the next few steps. I have my youngest daughter here to complete our little circle!  I'm so lucky to have the love of my family the way we love each other.  Good, bad and the ugly!  LOL!!

Ciao, Ciao! 

  

NO CHEMO THIS THURSDAY.....

I'm celebrating this day due to the fact I would usually have to have my chemo treatment on a Thursday morning -- every three (3) weeks.  But NOT TODAY!!!  Or ever again, I hope!(It's been exactly three weeks since my very last chemo!!!)    For some of you Half Empties out there, you might be saying, "Never say Never."  I get that..............but, I am embracing my freedom from chemo anyway I can! And the more I project that positive affirmation, the higher chances I know that I won't have to return!

My normal routine would be on Wednesday, I would start (unconsciously mind  you) to get a little more somber, quiet, heady and introspective.  I wouldn't engage in conversation as much just because I was thinking about what was to happen on Thursday morning -- how would my blood levels be; would I have another episode with an artery not wanting to cooperate; would I have phlebitus again; is the doc going to tell me he wants to extend chemo maybe another treatment or 2; has my tumors shrunk from the last chemo; am I going to be sicker this time.....I mean the list could go on and on. And I'm the positive person.  I'm the one that usually can figure out a better way to look at things, but I am also very human and cannot help but wonder.  I think it's part of this journey of discovery. 

I'm not so sure how well I have articulated all the side effects I've had.  I've gotten so used to telling myself, "Oh, well, this too shall pass." Or, "Ok, I can get over this hurdle. Cancer you suck so big!" OR, "Dear God in Heaven, please let me get through this... Just let me get through this..." 

But I'm not so sure it helps anyone to complain.  I don't mean to complain, but it happens to all, I guess.  How can you not get through something like this or any other illness or challenge in one's life without being human and vulnerable?  I hope to think I am a better person because of all of this.  I believe I am.  I certainly don't worry about the little things I used to.  I do have a lot more confidence in myself than I used to. Life has such a different flavor to it now.  I have my world currently that I'm inside of that many if not most of my loved ones around me or friends don't begin to really understand.  I can't expect them to.   I have no expectation of that.  I try to explain but it's difficult for people to understand "YOUR" perspective of how you see the world around you.  (not sure if that made any sense, but it's the honest to God truth from me.)

So I take moment by moment as needed.  I take day at a time as needed.  But the best thing now is NO CHEMO!

I am getting stronger everyday. My nails are awful looking because they have been greatly affected by the chemo. My toes are great (yay!).  And I have my tastebuds back!  Foods or drinks can taste a little weird at times -- depending on the foods and/or drinks, but for the most part I taste things very well. I have been so lucky not experiencing any kind of nausea!  Never did.  My hair is non-existent!  I'm bald as a que-ball!  I really don't mind oddly enough.  I continue to wear my scarves, hats and bandanas.  I don't cover up at home ever. I'm out in the yard protected, of course, but I walk outside bald and beautiful!  And I ALWAYS sport my earrings!  I also don't have many eyelashes or eyebrows.  I have one eyelash on my lower lid of my left eye! So sad.  It's an amazing thing why we have eyebrows and eyelashes.  Treasure that fact!  They protect us from so many particulates in the air not to mention the sun!  My eyes are forever watering. It looks like I'm always crying these days, which I am not. If nothing else I'm laughing  and smiling so much more. But another side effect is my "dry eye" issue which ironically produces my tearing action.  I always have my little Kleenex's with me at all times.  I especially look forward to the day when I can see my eyelashes growing back.  That will eliminate so many issues for me.  Onward as they say................

 I saw my plastic surgeon the other day and he was pleasantly surprised at how well I looked.  He was very animated about that fact.  He stated most people come into the office with their heads hanging lower than normal due to the effects of the final chemo.  I guess I'm the lucky one because I'm feeling so much better.  I'm trying to grab as much of that feeling as possible.  All I want is NORMAL -- whatever that means anymore.  I want to have a normal conversation that doesn't center around me and my cancer.  I want to be looked at as a normal human being that has regular feelings, perspectives, ideas, opinions just like EVERYONE else does.  I don't get shunned, but I do get treated differently when I'm out in public.  People can't help it.  I understand that now.  But I have a tendency to be bright and smiley (because that's how I'm feeling).  I really love being out of the  house and among the LIVING! So I guess that projects itself. I can't help it.  It's also an opportunity for me to change the face of Cancer somewhat, I guess.  It's a day by day process, and it's working.  I've always believed that when you smile at a person, somehow that can make a difference in a person's life even if it is as small as a smile. It's warm, simple, inviting and kind.  I like that very much.  I know how I feel when someone smiles at me.  It makes me feel warm in my heart.  It does make me feel relevent as well.  Not sure why, but a smile has always done that for me. 

I have begun to wake up from my funk of chemo so much that I think my family wishes I were a little less aware of my surroundings. I have a lot of questions now about why certain things are not done around the house or yard or garage or whatever.  So I must work on my over-zealous approach about issues.  Trying to make up for loss time doesn't help me or my family -- I'm working on that. 

I have begun little projects to keep me busy while I wait for my surgery.  I'm doing some sewing projects and, of course, my knitting and crocheting are my passions!  Gotta have a taste of yarn everyday no matter what is in the way. I cannot imagine not having my zen of knitting or crocheting in my life.  Kind of like not being able to have my dogs in my life or my family in my life.  I have to have my knitting/crocheting time.  Love it!

Next week I meet another time with the plastic surgeon for paperwork; the following week I have pre-op blood work at Scripp's Medical Center and an EKG test -- gotta make sure my heart is in fighting form! I will also have my breast MRI a few days later. This will show my surgeons (2 of them) how the tumors have shrunk and how contained they are and, of course, how much tissue they will ultimately have to remove.

 I have been a good little camper regarding my walking and doing my ab workout.  I still retain a lot of water due to chemo so my oncologist has put me back on the diuretic to relieve this water retention.  My body is such a sensitive body! Drives me nuts at times.  I'm not normal --- I've always known that one!  LOL!

Then my youngest daughter will arrive later this month before my surgery. I cannot wait for her arrival!  This will complete my circle!  We also have a wonderful lady arriving from France to be with me to work with me and my circulation. She is a Physical Therapist that has an amazing new technique.  I will heal quicker after my surgery and also help my overall circulation for my major organs.  She is an amazing woman and has helped many, many people in Europe. I'm very lucky to have her here with us for about 10 days. 

Monday, August 29 @ 7:15 am my surgery begins.  It may be 5 - 6 hours.  I am asking for prayers for me and my family as well as my team of doctors and nurses.  They and their staff especially need prayers so they will be on top of their game this day.  Pray for no hidden surprises. I feel in my heart of hearts this cancer is contained.  I still cannot feel my tumor in my armpit. They cannot find it as well, but the nodes must be removed as well as the tumors from my breast.  I am ready for the biggest challenge of my life. I think I've been through the worst part and that is the chemo, but to remove body parts is not taken lightly either.  All I want is to get this out of my body.  It's not as easy as some talk about to me -- this is a major surgery, but it must be done and I will then be able to truly begin the healing process.  After surgery, I have another hurdle and that is radiation.  Not sure when that will take place exactly, but it may be as soon as 3-4 weeks after surgery depending on how well I'm healing.  This is why I do ask for prayers.  Once again, I can't do this alone and I realize this.  The prayers and positive healing energy has been a big factor at how well I have been doing.  It's not all about the medicine.  It's about the faith, good positive attitudes, good energy and most of all LOVE. 

Once again, my Cup's Half Full and continuing on this healing journey. 

Ciao, Ciao!

One week AFTER LAST CHEMO....

It's a Sunday morning and it's actually raining outside in Southern California.  I'm rather happy about this fact considering we always need water down here. Plus I'm not a native to So. Cal.  I'm a NORCAL girl and I am used to the greenery of life.  So it's nice to be listening to the raindrops in the background.  It's started the day with the right tone.

Since I last wrote, I am finally happy to report I am getting my energy back and am beginning to be able to appreciate life better.  I'm not lying in bed any longer; I'm doing very basic chores around the house and have been out a couple times on outings for a couple hours at a time.

The other day my feet and legs and overall body were so swollen and feeling like it was "plugged up" in the sense of flexibility and lack of movement.  My daughter had told me about a Reflexology business she had heard about from a friend. So I said, "Let's do it.  Let's try this place out and see if it can give me some relief from this swelling and overall uncomfortable feeling."    Off we went.  I have never been in this type of business before so I didn't really know what to expect.  We were met by a nice man and he escorted us into what looked to me like a mini movie room that was dimly lit with a TV playing very quietly -- there were 2 very comfortable looking chairs with ottomans situated side-by-side. Ash and I sat in each chair and got ourselves comfortable.  It was a very clean environment.  Chairs were very comfortable as well.  We removed our sandals and waited for the techs to return.  The technicians came in with some herbal bath and placed our feet in them to soak for a few minutes.  Very nice.  They returned and then began a type of massage on our feet and up around our knees.  I wish I could state that it was really relaxing because that isn't the truth of the matter.  For me it was rather painful where he was applying pressure to my feet.  My feet felt really "congested" if that makes sense. They were so very tight. It felt like there were little pockets of built up tension that was being popped.  OMG, it go painful at one point that I had to have him stop for a couple seconds so I could catch my breath, but I knew in the end this would be ok.  So off he continued and eventually (30 minutes on one foot) he was finished with what I was trying not to call torture.  I was sitting there thinking to myself, "And I paid to have this done to me!"  Thereafter, my other foot had to undergo the same thing. My right foot didn't seem to be as "congested."  But it still had it's moments.  Before I knew it, it was over.  But I felt complete and utter RELIEF!  I've never had such relaxed feet, ankles and legs.  I wasn't jelly-like, but it was simply wonderful.  I slept so well that night as well. The biggest change was the next morning when I had reduced in inflammation size all over my body.  My arms had reduced, my belly, my neck and face -- all reduced in the swelling.  I had such relief all over.  Part of the chemo treatment is this awful swelling as you probably have seen by my pics I have posted.  And this last chemo treatment increased my swelling once again even more so.  But the relief in the swelling, I believe, with the reflexology helped. Of course, my water intake continues to be ongoing because I want to be well-hydrated and it aids with flushing out toxins.  So this is a method of relief I will continue with for the time being. 

I had a chance to do a little shopping at the local mall yesterday.  It was so fun to be among the living and doing something so very normal with others.  I hung in there for four hours!  I was very tired later, but it was worth ever second being able to get a few things done and have a sense of norm. 

My next goal for this next week and continuing forward is to get back to the gym slowly.  I need to get my aerobics restarted and to regain good heart health strength and blood flow.  All of this will help with the detoxification process of the chemo plus overall endorphins to be released to help me feel like my old self again.  I continue to eat very clean with lots of veggies and good proteins.  There are some teas I could be drinking more of to clean out my liver, kidneys and intestines, but that will come in due time. I have to pace myself a bit and not to do too much too soon.  I have learned a lot about pacing myself through this whole ordeal and I realize that learning process will never end because I still have so many challenges ahead.

I'm going to sit back today and do little projects I have been putting off due to my lack of energy and overall attention span. It's still raining out and I'm enjoying every minute of it. So cleansing! I guess symbolic for me just a bit --

I'm happy to report today my Cup's Half Full and fighting the fight in my way!  i continue to move in a forward motion of healing!

Ciao! Ciao!

PS.  My youngest daughter will be arriving in late August and I cannot wait!