Chia Pet Head!

It's been awhile since I've signed in. Frankly, there hasn't been any news that was noteworthy. 

I've been dealing with some pain, which isn't always a fun topic.  However, it's part of the reality of recuperation.  In the beginning of my recuperation, I had a lot of inflammation surrounding my chest.  As the inflammation has decreased, the pain has gone up somewhat.  Interesting, I know, but what happens, the skin gets tighter around my expanders that have been placed in my chest area.  They are for "expanding" my soon-to-be new breasts. They are expanded with saline solution.  As the skin deflates, I can feel the expanders moreso inside my chest.  It feels like I have built-in armore wear.  It's not comfortable a lot of the time, but it's not like I cannot cope. I'm still healing and I'm working on the patience part of this situation.

My body has been a very good gauge for me.  If I do too much at a time, I really collapse later on. And that is not a joke at all. It's also not an exaggeration.  My body shuts down and I need to sleep. I don't fool around any longer with trying to "suck it up" and "be tough" through all this.  It is what it is and I must do my best to heal.  And when I say HEAL, I mean do absolutely NOTHING.  I'm one of the lucky ones that doesn't have to try and work through this while working outside the home.  I do know about many, many women who don't have the luxury of staying home and simply healing.  It breaks my heart for them. They are the true warriors out there.

With this recuperation time, my hair has started to come in big time.  It's not long, but it's coming in and I look very similar to a Chia Pet!  My hair is so soft and downy feeling. It's pretty cool!  It's so funny how people will come straight for my head and cop a feel on my head!  LOL!!  I don't mind at all.  It's rather endearing all in all. My doctors love to check out my hair growth!  The other great things that are growing back are my eyelashes and eyebrows!  So very happy about this.  My eyelashes are coming back in at the same time -- I guess I had thought they might grow in a couple at a time.  Not sure why, but that's what I was thinking.  I'm so glad I'm wrong.  It makes such a difference getting my eyelashes back. I'm not experiencing that sensitivity to air, air-borne particulates, light, etc.  They aren't long enough for mascara just yet, but they are growing and that's what is important.  My eyebrows are coming back in, too!  Yippee Skippee! I won't have to use make-up to color them in any longer. 

I haven't been wearing any kind of bandana or hats lately mainly because I've been in the house, but since my hair is growing back in I figure why hide it? I feel so much better with the air flowing around my head anyway, so why hide?  I do, however, make sure I have great earrings on at all times!  That's my thing big time.  I MUST wear my earrings.  LOL!  Silly as it may seem, I feel naked without my earrings.  Oh, well, whatever floats one's boat, right? Whatever it takes to get through this time works for me and probably always will be.

Big news:  Yesterday I went to my plastic surgeon's office for a follow-up appointment to check how I'm healing.  After the exam and discussion about all that has transpired since our last appointment, he simply said, "I think it's time to fill your breasts."  I don't know why I was so surprised, but I was.  We hadn't really discussed the last time I was in that this was going to happen. I was thinking it would probably happen within the next couple weeks before I begin my radiation.  So he had to give me a shot at the site where the ports are located at each breast.  Expanders have a port area.  I'm not sure if they are usually at the bottom of one's breast area, but mine are located there.  That's the pain area I've been experiencing since the inflammation has been going away.  So he numbed up the port area (yes, with a shot -- no biggy!) and then had a huge syringe filled with 100 ccs of saline with a long tube to place inside the port -- he had to stick it through my skin to attach to the port just under the skin area.  They my nurse began the process of administering the saline into the port.  I could see my breast start to fill up a  bit.  Really interesting and very surreal at the same time. No, it did not hurt.  I'm numb there anyway, so I feel nothing.  My doc added 50 ccs to my left breast.  So now I have little lady lumps going on!  Very cool.  I have a cool cleavage! LOL.

Oh, yes, Jim was in the room the entire time -- we both were so amazed at what was occurring.  I will have a little discomfort from this "expansion" to get my skin and muscle ready for the implant that will take place on my 2nd surgery.  This surgery won't occur till after radiation.  Radiation causes scar tissue to occur.  In my case, the scar tissue will happen on my left breast area and in the center of my chest and armpit area.  That is why I need to have my breast filled BEFORE radiation due to scar tissue forming which will make it difficult for a clean result for reconstructive surgery.  Understand, my breasts are not perfect in formation at this point. That will happen when my doc operates on me during the 2nd surgery.  There is excess skin to remove and I will have a little liposuction done on my right armpit area to match my left armpit area.  I have no idea at this point what other little tweaks here and there will be until we see how I come through radiation.
 
I had no idea that I would be so excited by getting this first fill in my breasts.  I will have another fill next week but not much more because I want to stay smaller than I was before. I do know that when I'm finished with this, I will have really beautiful, perky breasts!  He also will be building nipples for me. Not the twist type or tattooed type as well -- he builds them. I've seen pics of reconstructed and augmented women that he has performed his magic with and let me tell you, he is an artist.  Amazing results.  I think my new boobs are going to be better than ever! I never would have done anything like this had it not been for this cancer.  Weird how good things come out of a bad situation.  Today, I feel a little tight but nothing I can't deal with.  Not going to need meds for a few hours more, but I don't suffer at all. 

I have a consultation with my soon-to-be new radiation doctor Friday, October 7.  My current oncologist wants me to begin my radiation treatment as soon as possible -- so that means I will most likely begin the following week after my initial consultation.  I understand this doctor is once again, amazing, and has great patient/doctor rapor with HER patients. I look forward to meeting with her and getting to know her and her methods and ideology concerning my treatment plan.   I do know this:  I will be going 5 days a week for 6 weeks.  Nothing shorter than that.  My oncologist, Dr. Bernstein, wants me to go the full length of this treatment, which I'm in agreement with.  I want full recovery. I don't want this cancer to have a chance to rear it's ugly head ever again in me if at all possible!  So I must do this for ME!

Overall, my emotional state is really good.  I feel like I'm on the other side of this journey.  I still have quite a walk to go on, but I'm stronger than ever and I plan to finish this off with my head held high and with purpose like no other. Not sure what the future holds for me, but it's going to be a ride of my life, I'm sure.  I'm looking forward to this part of it.  I have changed forever and I know it's for the best.  I still get emotional once in awhile, still not sure why, but I do, but I'm more grateful than sorrowful.  There is nothing to be sorrowful about.  I'm alive and healing and getting my life back. It's going to be different; there are going to be different things about my body that I will live with, but overall, I'm doing very well.  I do laugh a lot more now, but carefully, because when I laugh too hard, it hurts with my expanders in my chest. But I have found another way to allow my big laugh to show itself!  I'm not me unless I have a big laugh from time to time.

I'm really looking forward to the holidays this year.  We have so much to be thankful for.  Wow, that's an understatement!  I'm so thankful for everything in my life.  And I mean EVERYTHING.  I can't wait for my mom to get down here. We will bring her down to stay with us in November.  She will stay with us for at least a couple months.
 
I plan to drive with my hubby and her back up to Humboldt County in January. I really look forward to seeing some old friends and see some old business friends and do some major knitting while I'm up there as well.  Got to invest back into the community. So I have somethings to look forward to in the next year. 
I may not be complete with my reconstruction for a year or so, but that's fine with me.

Most of the time my Cup's Half FULL and now it's even more! LOL!!  Loving my life so much more and I continue to heal without issues! I'm so blessed beyond words. I am so thankful my family and friends continue to surround me with love. I continue to receive the most wonderful cards and well-wishes.  I love them so much. It really helps me in my healing.  Those beautiful words that are written mean so much to me and my family. 

Thank you again!
Ciao, Ciao

Saw my Plastic Surgeon

I had my follow-up appointment with my surgeon who is doing my reconstruction.  To my surprise, he removed the drain tubes.  I had 4 tubes total -- 2 on each side; I had the first set removed the week after surgery; now these removed.  I thought they were not being removed due to the fact I still was producing too much fluid. Apparently not!  So good to see them be removed. Didn't hurt at all.  My doctor is very pleased at my healing progress. My skin color is great, the shape is good and no infection in site at all.  I still don't like these expanders inside my chest cavity.  It's a weird feeling and can be uncomfortable, but it could be worse.  At least it's not chemo!  LOL. 

I never thought I could be so thrilled to have a couple of drains removed from my body.  It means that I can now take a SHOWER!!  Simple things in life are usually the best.  Needless to say, the shower is the best gift to me today.  The doc said I had to wait till this morning to take one.  So I did.  I feel like more of a human being. Thank you, doc! 

The next step for now is to continue to rest and do nothing due to the fact I should not move around a lot and produce more fluid in my body.  I also want to avoid any kind of infection which most definitely can happen at this time. I am bored out of my mind, but I do keep myself busy with my knitting, writing and watching my movies. I do read but I still have that attention issue going on.  But I try daily.  It's getting better slowly.  I never really understood what "major surgery" was truly until going through it myself.  Wow, it beats the heck out of a body.  One moment you feel on top of the world and in the next you feel like a Mack truck has broad-sided you.  It can be very frustrating.  But once you make up your mind to relax about it, life gets easier.  Once again, my famous mantra:  IT IS WHAT IT IS.....

Next week I go to the doctor, this time it's my oncologist, to see what is next regarding my radiation treatment. I hope he gives me a little longer to heal before I begin my next and final treatment plan.  I can handle this treatment, but it's going to be 5 days a week for 6 weeks. It's going to be "my job" for a short period of time.  I keep on hoping my doctor will tell me it's only going to be 4 weeks' rather than 6.  I keep on praying.  Maybe it will happen. 

Life continues to get better. I know I have a few more hills to get over, but at least I'm on the other side now.  My hair is growing back; my eyelashes are coming back as well as my eyebrows. It's funny how I'm more thrilled about my eyelashes and eyebrows more so than my hair on my head. 

I'm so happy that we are coming into Fall and that soon my family will bring my Mom down here to stay a few months with us. I cannot wait for that.  I'm so lucky to have her in good health and of sound mind so we can enjoy her.  We are blessed.

so my Cup's half full and continuing!   To the next chapters in life!  I hope all embrace life more and find the happier side of life. 

Ciao, Ciao

Post Surgery - 2 weeks later

I cannot believe how quickly 2 weeks have passed by so far.  A lot has transpired since my surgery. 
Overall, I'm doing quite well.  Healing has been amazing. I had a Therapist living with us for about 10 days helping me with my recovery.  She has helped with blood circulation activation, nerve activation and bone activation. It's hard for Americans to understand what the heck kind of therapy this is, but it's very popular in Europe where she lives and works.  My post-surgery circulation is amazing. My skin tone is beautiful!  The docs are so amazed at how well my surgery site looks. I have no necrosis (dead skin) at the breast area, my overall energy is very good considering I went through major surgery, digestion is wonderful, no pain meds after 3 days home.  Although yesterday I did have a set-back of sorts due to the fact I did too much because I've been feeling so much better -- oh, yes, still live and learn daily. 

And the most remarkable change for me is 2 days after I began this therapy for recovery, my hair on my head started to come back!  I have hair growing again!  I look like a Chia Pet in full bloom!  LOL!! Then, of course, the leg hair has decided it needs to make it's presence known as well -- ok, I should be grateful for returning hair, but I could be happy if it didn't come back.  (oh, how ungrateful I sound!  LOL).  But today, for the first time, I see my EYE LASHES GROWING BACK!!!!  I have 3 on my left eye that are popping out and several on my right eye.  Not sure why the right is so much more, but who cares!!  My eyebrows are growing back in as well.  Before long, I shall look less like Uncle Fester and more like ME again. Or at least the NEW ME. 

In case some are wondering, I'm not completely flat chested.  I still have little lady bumps as one can say.  And remember, my pathology came back CLEAR/CLEAN with a large margin surrounding it of clear, clean cells.  So there is no reason to take all of my tissue.  I do have chest expanders under my chest muscle which, I have to be honest, are really weird feeling and tight feeling. I guess it's different for women who get augmentation not to feel it like this, but still, it's not my idea of a good feeling. I have to wear a special bra similar to women who get augmentation.  It's a corsett of sorts which can be very uncomfortable especially at night when trying to sleep. I don't wear it during the day but wear it if I get into a car or if I go for a walk outside. Not sure how long I will have this thing, but cannot wait to get rid of it.  I have 2 more surgeries regarding my breast reconstruction. This first  surgery, obviously was for removing the cancer -- getting the clear/clean pathology. The next 2 will be the actual rebuilding of my breasts. I'm not going larger -- going for the perky look!  LOL!! Cannot wait for that to occur. Recently, I met a few women who did not have reconstruction surgery or considered it during the process of their mastectomies.  They didn't know about reconstruction and what it could do for them -- So I had the opportunity to educate them a bit of what I know and make recommendations for them. That made me feel a little bit empowered due to the fact most of my days are spent inside recuperating from something.....Either way, to bond with strangers is a pretty cool thing.
I'm not running around being gleeful due to the fact I physically cannot do so.  I move slowly and methodically as I walk.  I cannot be jostled around at all. I went for a car ride the other day (this past Sunday) and by the time I got home, I needed to lay down for awhile.  I paid the price yesterday big time.  I even had to take pain meds, so I'm learning to believe what the docs say when they tell you to take it really easy and don't be fooled by feeling better. You still have to keep it mellow.  I still don't understand completely what "mellow" means in my world.  I want to do!  I want to make up for loss time; but if I'm not smart, I will put myself back further and it will take a lot longer for recovery. I think I'm feeling so close to freedom that I just want to go for it, but I know better than to push it, but sometimes I cannot help myself. 

I now have my youngest daughter, Amy,  and my son-in-law, Loreto, here helping out.  What a Godsend they are.  They are constantly taking care of something around the house.  This has helped my oldest daughter to get some rest and for my hubby to rest as well.  I love my family so much. While in the hospital, my youngest daughter, Amy, stayed with me 24/7!  She was my advocate. Watching everything the nurses and/or docs were up to.  I truly believe anytime we have a loved one and/or dear friend in the hospital or in need, we NEED to be an advocate for them -- to make sure things are getting done -- to be a watchdog of sorts.  Getting the correct information -- asking questions when one doesn't understand. I tell you, I was completely incoherent for the first 24 hrs.  I was making poor choices which my family would correct immediately.  Thank GOD for my family.  But I implore to those who have loved one's please, please, please make the time for them when they are going through some kind of procedure, doc appointments, times of need and/or hospital stays.  It makes a difference in the overall care process which will ultimately translate into their recovery process. I guess it's called  LOVE! 

When I first came home, my chocolate lab,Woody, was freaked out -- worried, I guess.  He could smell and sense the difference in me.  But within 2 days, he was coming around me and wanting me to love on him. His sweet eyes told the story of worry.  I cannot imagine going through something like this ever again without my animals around me.  They have been a constant source of love! Any of you who have pets understands what I'm talking about. They are my loves big time.  It really helps comfort me when I'm really having a difficult time coping with pain or being emotional.

My friends and family have been so generous to me during this time of recuperation. Actually, they have been beyond supportive through this whole ordeal! I cannot thank everyone enough.  I hope in the future I can somehow give back. I'll figure it out eventually.  It moves me to tears thinking about all the love still surrounding me. I love you all.  I love you beyond words.  You know who you are!!!! ;)

I know my train of thought is all over the page -- hopefully, soon I will be back on track and able to communicate better. I continue to rest and then walk about the house and down the block.  Just don't like these tubes/and my "cajonez" hanging off me. It's quite the picture!  LOL.  I do laugh!  I do laugh a lot more but sometimes it hurts when I laugh really hard.  So now I have developed this silly laugh which makes me laugh more -- oh, well, as long as I'm laughing.  It's the good stuff, right? So when you can, laugh.............It's true -- it's the greatest medicine.

PS.  Just got off the phone with my reconstructive plastic surgeon's office. I have to stop moving for 2 more days - stop my fluid from producing.  But they want to see me on Friday, Sept. 16 -- and hopefully, I'll have my tubes removed!  This translates into being able to SHOWER!!! Sponge baths don't cut it; ya know?  LOL. 

Yes, my cup maybe half full -- but my Cup's still half full (get it?) 

Ciao, Ciao all!

PSS:  Happy BIRTHDAY MOM!!! You are a young 88 year old!  Way to go!  Just wish we could be there to celebrate with you.  We love you so much.

 

POST SURGERY - BRIEF UPDATE

I feel like I'm dancing through the ocean spray waving my hands gleefully in the air while my smile is from ear to ear because the cancer is out of MY BODY!  Also, my pathology did come back CLEAR!!!!!  Let me say it again:  MY PATHOLOGY IS CLEAR!!!! 

I have never been so over-joyed in my life!  My doctor removed 17 lymph nodes and 2 of those nodes were malignant tumors. However, the margin around these nodes were clear, clear, clear.  He removed a node up at the apex of the node area to make double-sure and it was completely clean.  He took other biopsies from my right breast area -- all clear.  Just writing it makes me cry and laugh at the same time all over again.  It's so wonderful.  I prayed for this, others prayed for this, and I know my angels around me embraced me this whole time through it.  It's so wonderful I cannot express, once again, properly.

Suffice it to say, my family and I are gleeful. I still have a lot of recooperation to deal with and then the radiation, but knowing this positivity is here, I'm on top of the world. As we approach this Labor Day Weekend, I cannot help but reflect on the fact I'm living, I'm truly ALIVE inside and out and a new beginning is here.  I will write more later, but I just had to spread the news!  What better news could there be but to celebrate LIFE!  I'm so grateful and cannot thank those around me as well as those who have been spiritually with me through this.  I have a lot more to write about, but for now LITERALLY my Cup's Half Full -- cuz it is. My breasts are half the size they were -- LOL!! What an amazing job my docs are doing.  My reconstruction is just beginning, but my bilateral mastectomy is finished! 

Ciao, Ciao! Must take my nap....Rest and recuperate!