I had to write something before 2011 ends. I have a couple of things that I wanted to chronicle before I forget.
Since the last time I wrote, I have seen my radiology oncologist for a skin check regarding my burn area on my chest. To her horror, she saw my skin. She was extremely apologetic that I've had to endure additional pain considering the road I've been on up to this point. When we decided to continue forward and finish my radiation treatments, I had only 2 left. I begged her to let me finish and not make me come back after Christmas. My skin had already been compromised and I knew it. So did everyone else. There is NO BLAME here whatsoever. I have NO regrets going forward and finishing my last 2 treatments. But wow, it has been a road of recovery. One cannot imagine how ugly, disgusting, gross and down right awful it is to have a 3rd degree burn in an area that is thin and very exposed. Once again, I consider this such a learning experience for me to appreciate others sufferings. I'm not the only one who has suffered. There are millions of people out there that are suffering much worse than I. This whole ordeal with Cancer is a learning experience for me to pay attention and gather new understanding.
I can't tell you how many times I hear "I know my troubles are nothing compared to yours. OR I shouldn't be complaining because you have it so much worse than I do." Here's the deal: There is no one upsmanship at all for what we go through. WE ALL have challenges we go through in our lives. Mine happens to be dealing with Stage 3 Breast Cancer. I'm on the healing side of it now.
THANK YOU MY ANGELS, MY GOD AND ALL WHO PRAY FOR ME AND MY FAMILY!
My point is I hope and pray for additional understanding and can continue to live a truer and more honest life than I have before. I do want my life back and to be looked upon once again as a regular person who is intelligent, relevant, productive and loving in this life we live. I don't want those looks of, "Poor Lynn." I do understand people don't know what to do or say sometimes, I get that. But I hope people will look past this. That's my prayer and wish. It's going to take time. Once again, yet another lesson in life. I am continuing to walk forward and finding my new voice in all this journey.
My letter that I wrote a few weeks ago will be going out to my former gyno tomorrow. I'm looking forward to seeing myself place that letter in the mailbox for delivery. As I place that letter in that blue slot, I know I will be giving it up symbolically. I have been very honest in this letter. It's not a letter of hate whatsoever. Rather, it's a letter of hope for change in the way she may look at her patients. I hope she will read and find understanding. True understanding. Some friends have mentioned to me that I should take this to the next level -- suing the doctor(s). I have said to them: NO WAY!!!! If anyone has ever gone through the legal system -- you better be very, very prepared emotionally and monetarily. No one wins really. At least from where I'm coming from for my situation, I don't feel it would help ME or my family in anyway. If nothing else it's a road of resentment and of NEGATIVITY that I don't want in my life at all. It's easy for some to give their opinions when it doesn't affect them. I, for one, will not pursue any legal action -- that subject is CLOSED and not up for debate.
My days have passed rather quickly recently while dealing with my burn area. The doctor was correct that one day I will wake up and will have turned a corner in the healing of the affected area. That has finally happened for me. I still slather loads of Silvadene on my site area (6" by 8" area) I have customized a few of my t-shirts to expose my area so air can access my chest. When I go out of the house, I place 5 Telfa Pads on the area to protect it while I wear my regular clothing. Right now the clothing has to be very loose and thank goodness we have great weather down here so I can wear the lighter clothes. But it's not good to cover up my burn area. I'm supposed to keep it free and open. Yes, I stay inside a lot. If I go out in the sun, the Silver in the Silvadene turns grey. Yes, you guessed it -- it's a mess. Temporary, but a mess. We as a people will complain about inconveniences all the time, well, this has been my big time inconvenience. But at least today I feel better and have more energy because the pain isn't as great. Oh, yeah, and my Percocet really helps this! No worries -- I'm not addicted to prescription drugs. But I am taking full advantage of pain relief. I now believe in heading off the pain! I don't have to suck up anything anymore. That attitude has changed significantly. My family has been all over me to make sure I do keep on my regimen-- keep ahead of the pain. Until one has gone through a similar situation, no one can relate. Suffice it to say, I hope by next week, I can reduce my medication intake significantly.
Speaking of drug intake, I have officially begun taking my anti-Cancer drug called Letrozole. Funny thing, it has an "L" imprinted on this itty-bitty pill -- so now I call it my Lynn Pill. I know the "L" is for Letrosole, but I like calling it Lynn Pill. I will be on this pill for the next 5 YEARS. Once a day keeps the Cancer away...........Kinda like: An apple a day? Whatever..................
2012 is going to be so much better on so many levels..........I wish you all a Happiest of New Years. Living life to it's fullest is my motto! Going to get back into shape and hopefully, look finer than fine! LOL!! We'll see. I still have some challenges, but at least I can see the light better now. Take a deep breath in and then EXHALE!!!
Keeping the Cup Half Full.........Yay!
Ciao, Ciao
