What a week of challenges yet again.. I guess I was under the false impression, once I finished my part in all these treatments that I would somehow be "free" from anymore challenges. This is certainly not the case. I had been warned that my reddened, burned skin would continue to come to the surface. Once again, I continue to learn, learn, learn. Yes, my skin has turned to a new level of burn. My surface burn has grown in it's size. The heat generated is amazing. I didn't allow myself to think about the way my skin / body would react to this radiation completely -- didn't want to face it obvsiously. I guess I was too busy focusing on "being finished with all this...." Wow, when will I ever learn? My skin looks scary to me right now. Frankly, it's so gross to look at and deal with. I have to place Silvadene heavily onto my skin to help it heal and protect it. What a mess it is. My clothes are in the way of it's healing -- rubbing on the upper chest area. So then I place non-stick guaze pads over the nastiest part of burn. Its very raw and "glossy". I can't help but think about burn victims ~ the excruciating pain they must suffer. This 6 - 9 inch area affected is nothing by comparison to other's burned areas, but wow, it takes one's breath away from the pain it generates. I know I'm not exaggerating this point. It's so raw and vulnerable -- my burn area, that is. I make an isotonic solution to help calm and clean my burn area. I have a clean cloth placed on the affected area 10-15 minutes at a time. It does help and give me a sense of relief for a short period of time. Due to this constant attention on my burn area, I do not go out of the house as much as I would like. I'm a bit afraid of the exposure and too much rubbing of this area. It's a mess. I have customized a couple T-shirts and cut out a portion of the chest area away so I can have air get to this burn so I may have it heal better. If there is too much "moisture" kept in this area, it makes it worse for me and the healing process. Kind of a catch 22 of sorts. But I keep plunking along and doing my best to try to heal. It's going to take time --- I am always working on my patience regarding my healing time. I guess I have no timeframe to be anywhere, it's just that I want to do things. I have desires and goals to be among the living. It doesn't help it's the Christmas season with so many activities going on around me. I have been told over and over by my doctors and family that I must continue to heal. I get that. I understand this. It's my human emotions surfacing big time. Thank goodness I knit and crochet and cook a bit (must be careful with the heat factor around my chest or potential splashing on my wound); I continue to love on my dogs, but must hold back so I don't get paws accidentally coming in contact with my chest area. ARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH! Ok. Enough of this. This may be oversimplified but this does stand true: THIS TOO SHALL PASS. Just a little while longer. Right? I'm alive and cancer free.
The other new thing that has begun: I will begin taking a new pill for maintenance post cancer treatments. It stops estrogen production for cancer. I have some other challenges to meet in the next few months, but right now I have to get my hot flashes under control, then I will begin taking this pill. It has its share of side effects as well. I hope I won't get any but that's unrealistic. The biggest thing I need to do is continue to exercise and keep my body limber. I just can't work out the way I want to right now. Once again, the catch 22; but I will do what I CAN in the meantime. Clean living and clean foods are the priority as well.
Today, I'm going to bake some cookies and bring smiles to some around me. I haven't baked in a long time just because I don't want the extra temptations around -- to heck with that philosophy! I'm going to enjoy this process completely and with great gusto this year. I know my family and friends, too, will enjoy my cookies. I have to say, I can bake a mean cookie when I do allow myself to have fun with it. LOL!! The new year is still over a couple weeks away -- so what the heck -- munch on a few cookies and have that big satisfying flavor envelope the soul! In the words of Rachel Ray: YUMMO! Love that word, by the way! It says it all.
For now I'm inconvienced, but I have to keep the faith and hope that in the next few days I will see better progress in my healing. I continue to ask for prayers, positivity and overall good thoughts for me and my family. I still feel the love from others. It's amazing and I thank you all. Once again, I am blessed. Just have to let this out of me. Thank goodness for this kind of platform.
I wish all a wonderful holiday season. My Cup's Half Full -- I just need to continue to move forward! No looking backwards! No way!
Ciao, Ciao!
The other new thing that has begun: I will begin taking a new pill for maintenance post cancer treatments. It stops estrogen production for cancer. I have some other challenges to meet in the next few months, but right now I have to get my hot flashes under control, then I will begin taking this pill. It has its share of side effects as well. I hope I won't get any but that's unrealistic. The biggest thing I need to do is continue to exercise and keep my body limber. I just can't work out the way I want to right now. Once again, the catch 22; but I will do what I CAN in the meantime. Clean living and clean foods are the priority as well.
Today, I'm going to bake some cookies and bring smiles to some around me. I haven't baked in a long time just because I don't want the extra temptations around -- to heck with that philosophy! I'm going to enjoy this process completely and with great gusto this year. I know my family and friends, too, will enjoy my cookies. I have to say, I can bake a mean cookie when I do allow myself to have fun with it. LOL!! The new year is still over a couple weeks away -- so what the heck -- munch on a few cookies and have that big satisfying flavor envelope the soul! In the words of Rachel Ray: YUMMO! Love that word, by the way! It says it all.
For now I'm inconvienced, but I have to keep the faith and hope that in the next few days I will see better progress in my healing. I continue to ask for prayers, positivity and overall good thoughts for me and my family. I still feel the love from others. It's amazing and I thank you all. Once again, I am blessed. Just have to let this out of me. Thank goodness for this kind of platform.
I wish all a wonderful holiday season. My Cup's Half Full -- I just need to continue to move forward! No looking backwards! No way!
Ciao, Ciao!
