Today is a very special day -- it's Easter. I absolutely love this time of year. Always the new beginnings of something, whether it be new gardening plantings, new baby livestock, new everything. Love this time of year. It's fresh and new. And biblically speaking, it's new life in the spiritual journey.
Today is a little more momentous for me personally. I've been talking a couple times now that my hair has decided to fall out. Last night my hair was everywhere. I mean in hands, clothes, couch, pillows, everywhere! Awful. I have it twisted upward. I did "brush" it yesterday afternoon which proved to be a little intense for me. I don't have bald spots surprisingly. I have a broadcast of even hair loss. I guess that's good? Who knows and frankly, who cares. It's falling out either way. It even feels dead on my head. Doesn't hurt, just feels detached now.
So my dear, dear friend Sanny is here visiting and he will be doing the honors today of either cutting my hair into a really short "do" or shaving it completely. We'll see. However, the inevitable is here. I'm not really laughing about this one. I am wrapping my brain around all this. I've done all the intellectual things such as the justification why this is happening; why my hair is falling out; what does it mean to me; what am I really comfortable with on my head; will I wear a wig; will I only wear hats and bandanas. Either way, I guess this is part of the journey. This is going to be, once again, a day by day thing.
I'm wondering what my cranium is going to look like truly. Some people have these beautiful heads. Not so sure mine will be that. I have so many inperfections already and let's just say I am afraid to see them unveiled. I have psoriasis around my scalp area. Isn't that lovely. I guess I will see if there are any little patches throughout my cranium that is usually covered by my hair. But then again, I think the exposure will be good for my skin. Who knows, I will have to read up more on all this and then by trial and error I will figure it out. I do know that my scalp will be sensitive -- not sure for how long, but that too will be dealt with.
So all, I will be looking quite different. I've seen many a woman out there showing their "baldness" and I have to say I always have said to myself as I pass them by, "Oh, bless her heart." Once again, I'm in this new sorority that I really don't want to be a part of. It really hasn't changed for me regarding this, but at least I am not fearful any longer. I guess there is progress there. I am in the process of truly redefining myself. Almost makes me feel as though I'm a pupa in the process of changing into a butterfly that will go out and show it's true beauty later. I hope to live a lot longer than a butterfly though! LOL. I'm sure I will.
Either way, today is that special day. Wish me luck. Not feeling emotional just kind of mindful and being aware of this fact. Should be interesting if I do fall apart or not. Won't know till I'm there, I guess. All I know is this: I'm going to feel what I will; not going to gloss it over; just feel whatever it is at the time. No expectations. That's a huge step for me. I'm such a control freak. Letting go of so much has been this walk of reality that has been quite the learning curve for me. Just trusting in others is biggy for me. Relying on others is a biggy. In my famous way of saying it: IT IS WHAT IT IS. Dragging that one through the dirt a bit, but it's the truth.
OK. I'm done for now. I'm chilling here with my family and dogs. Still recovering from my port removal. The arm still has to heal obviously cuz it's still turning colors. I guess this is going to take some time. But I'm using the ice packs and being good girl.
I wish all this glorious sacred day a beautiful and wonderful Easter. Tell your loved ones how much you care about them. Say those words to them. They are so very important! Just a smile is like the greatest gift sometimes. I know smiles really brighten my days! I love receiving them!
Hanging in there and ready for my next challenges. Yup, my cup's still half full!
Ciao, Ciao!
