I wish I could report that all is great in paradise, but the fact of the matter is I'm struggling right now getting through this last chemo treatment. I did so well the first 2 days. I must have been riding pretty high on the adrenaline from the fact this was my last treatment and the expectations of freedom from Chemo pulsating through my veins.
My reality is I'm weak again, foggy beyond words and overall achy, sick feeling that I cannot describe to the degree that one would like, but suffice it to say, it really SUCKS! I know, I know, I will get through this.... But LIVING through this is nothing I would wish on anyone.
Thank goodness I can zone out and exist without feeling at times. Hard to imagine, but I can do that.
My reality is I'm weak again, foggy beyond words and overall achy, sick feeling that I cannot describe to the degree that one would like, but suffice it to say, it really SUCKS! I know, I know, I will get through this.... But LIVING through this is nothing I would wish on anyone.
Thank goodness I can zone out and exist without feeling at times. Hard to imagine, but I can do that.
I also do a lot of meditating which is a life saver. There is nothing "heady" about this phase of chemo recooperation. You exist. I'm so done with this right now. I'm sooooo done. That's part of the mental aspect of this process.
From what my family tells me, they have stated that this is the best I've been since this whole chemo treatment has started. The difference is that I don't want this any longer to be a part of my existence --- the treatments. So with that, it causes me to be less than tolerant of pretty much everything.
I have noticed that my eyes are more teared than ever. I can hardly see -- one of the side effects of the chemo. My hands are hotter than hot. Not just warm -- I mean HOT to touch. I'm very swollen all around my body and especially in my face. I'm fire-engine red around my face and neck area. My feet are swollen and HOT to touch. My head is cool and hot from moment to moment; my throat from time to time closes up -- not sure why that's occurring but it is. So these are just to name a few of the side effects I'm experiencing at the moment.
The good news is I don't have to have another chemo treatment. I know I sound like a broken record stating that over and over again, but let me tell you -- until one has gone through something like this process, one has NO IDEA what one could have survived. I'm so grateful for surviving this. I'm so eternally grateful.
Today, it's humid in my city so I will be laying in my bed resting and preserving my energy drinking my fluids and nibbling on what I need to get my nourishment. I will meditate and think positive thoughts of Cancer being erradicated out of my body. I will do what I need to in order to get stronger and stronger so I can get on with my life. Oh, how I yearn for my life back. It will be here soon and I will be very welcoming as to how it all unfolds for me. I know this whole ordeal isn't something in vane. It can't possibly be in vane. I feel this in my soul. There is just so much love surrounding me. I feel it pretty much at all times.
So that's what I have for now. Tomorrow will be another adventure of a day in the life of me -- how extraordinary, right? LOL!!! Not really, but it sure helps to write this down. It's very cathartic for me.
My Cup's Half Full, just want this to move on.............
Ciao, Ciao
