This is going to be a relatively short blog today.
Today is the first day (one week after chemo #5) that I feel semi human like. It's been a tough 7 days. I thought I have experienced true darkness weeks ago, but apparently not. Never have been so low (depression wise) in my entire life. It's not me. Totally not me, but it's happened. Chemo is a challenge beyond all others from what I've heard and read. Now, I have firsthand knowledge it's nothing short of AWFUL -- FRUSTRATING AND NIGHTMARISH. This go-around I have been feeling like a bubbling tarpit. There is no other way to explain it for me currently. Heartburn doesn't suffice in the description -- it's just this percolation inside my body. Lovely visual, but maybe that's what we all need to see and understand.
There is good news: One more CHEMO! One more. I obviously will do this, but I know I will succeed in beating this damnable Cancer. I just have to. There are no other options for me. Maybe unrealistic for some, but not for me.
I pray so much especially these days -- amazing gifts I'm being granted.
Speaking of amazing gifts: I met my soon-to-be plastic surgeon yesterday in La Jolla. I did not want to be there. My emotional state of mind was not where it needed to be. But I had the appointment and I must go if I want to get prepared for reconstructive surgery along with my mastectomy. This man, Scott Barttelbort, is such an amazing person. He is premiere in his field, understands women with Cancer because he specializes in reconstructive surgery. We were in consultation for over an hour -- right down to the hellish pictures that were needed to be taken -- oh, well, add it to the list.......... Never, have I been in such an elegant and upscale doctor's office -- he's done well obviously and makes it very, very easy for his patients. My gown was a spa robe -- no paper here! LOL!!
At this point my very over-simplified discussion with Scott was this: It will take about a year for my particular reconstructive surgeries to take place. I will explain in more detail later as to what I will be going through, but suffice it to say, I'm in for the haul. He told me and assured me that he will hold my hand through this whole process and that he will give me back Lynn WHOLE.
Needless to say, I got emotional about this whole consultation. It's going to happen. It's coming up relatively soon. Time is going relatively quickly.
Like Dr. B stated: We want CLEAR Pathology -- that is the priority here! That's what I dream of. That is what I want and require. I'm all about goals -- this is my goal -- CLEAR PATHOLOGY!!!
Gotta quit for now. Need to rest. This feeling of being miserable suddenly hits so I will conitnue later.
I continue to please ask for PRAYERS, GOOD ENERGY and POSITIVE THOUGHTS.
This Cup is Half Full, just need a rest........................
Ciao, Ciao
