Well, today was a quite the day. For the most part, the beginning of the day was awesome since I had a chance to speak with my youngest daughter, Amy, on SKYPE. She's like the best shot in the arm for me. Needless to say, it's very hard for our family to have her so far away, and she, too, feels this as well. But her life is elsewhere and we support her in any way we can. She's an amazing person. Love MY sweetie pie.
As the morning progressed, I seemed to get into my head way too much. I, once again, was thinking way too much about how much more cancer can be found with this test. I did a very good job of freaking myself out once again. One thing that rings true on a daily basis these days are the ups and downs of this process. And we're still in the discovery phase of this disease. Very anxiety driven if you ask me. But for the most part I can deal with this, but then again, BOOM, I turn an emotional corner and there it is once again getting into my head again.
Later, I somehow was able to put my thoughts aside when I received an amazing phone call from a lovely lady who had a lot of amazing words of wisdom to share with me. I listened intently and attempted to wrap my brain around a few situations that I will trust in. It was the shot in the arm I needed in order to get in the car to go to Temecula Valley Nuclear Medicine for my test.
I still had those nerves creeping up inside my body. It's really so strange. I've never had this amount of physical reaction to such events -- but then again, it's not everyday one finds out they have cancer. I was welcomed with open arms in this office. It absolutely amazes me the compassion I've experienced since I have begun going to doctors down here. Wow, it's so overwhelmingly positive. They are ALL blessings.
My family was with me -- Jim, Ash and Amy via cell phone. Yup, I'm very lucky. And I thank them so much for their love. Oh, by the way, have I said how amazingly AWESOME my Ashley is? She's the rock these days for me even while she's dealing with her own health issues. She is so selfless. I love you sweetie! Ok................washing my tears back again. I swear I have the cleanest tear ducts ever! For those who have clogged tear ducts, just cry, it works! LOL
WE were invited into the doc's private office -- Dr. Ernie Meth! What a freakin great name, right? He's from the east coast, articulate Jewish man with a great sense of compassion and humor. Too cute for words. He wanted to know, once again, all about me then my medical stuff that has brought me to him. He shared with us that, he, too was a cancer survivor and that his wife is a breast cancer survivor of 2 years. He was very sorry I was having to go through this but that I was going to be just fine. Wow, how amazing to have those words of encouragement. We spoke about some amazing docs down at Scripp's Hospital in San Diego. Needless, to say, I now have a new appointment to meet these docs @ Scripp's next week! Boy, I sure feel of divine intervention working here everyday around me since this has happened. Placing people in my path to help me along this nightmarish circumstance. Blessings! Way cool! Soon after my initial interview, a lovely technician came in to get me so she could administer my radioactive cocktail into my vein! Oh, yippee-skippee.......It did not hurt. It was rather cool, in fact. No, I mean cool to the touch feeling as it entered into my vein and ultimately into my body. No biggy everyone. This "cocktail" can last from 10 mins - several hours in your body. You flush it out by drinking lots of water after the procedure. Its a type of glucose that finds the cancer elsewhere in your body. (Oh, please don't let it find more, oh, please don't let it find more).
I sat and waited about 35 minutes to let it travel through my body. I was then greeted by the tallest, young man with the biggest white smile. Ok, my turn. I practically bounded out of the office. I was obviously full and I mean FULL of adrenaline! He and I had a nice conversation as we approached the semi with the PET Scan unit in it. As I prepared myself for the procedure and laid myself on this movable bed, the tech could see how visibly upset and nervous I was. As he situated me in and gave me blankets to help keep me warm, he asked if he could pray with me.................Needless to say our eyes met very intently and I choked out a YES. He held my hand as I lay there and said the most soothing of words and asked I would be given the quiet I need to succeed in finding the truth of this situation I am facing; that I would be given the added strength I already possess inside and the love that will follow me. He said some other very profound words, but cannot remember it all enough to articulate them the way they need to be shared. With that, he let go of my hand and we began the test.
As the procedure began I felt a little panic and my heart was beating right out of my chest. I kept on thinking about the prayer and breathing with my body in order for it to begin to relax. It took what seemed like forever, but it must have been about a few minutes. My body was still shaking like a leaf -- and then it happened -- I suddenly stopped the shaking. It was the most amazing thing -- no certain breath, no certain thought -- I simply RELAXED and finished the test. The test ended in about 40 minutes. I was never so RELIEVED as when I was free to leave. I thanked my technician and hugged him; my doctor came out and greeted me -- we hugged. Wow, all these hugs. Those of you who know me, know I love the hugs. But considering how I was feeling: I NEEDED those hugs today. No tears, just hugs. I came out to meet Ashley. Picked up our stuff and walked out. AAAAAHHHHHHH, this too shall pass. This test was finished and I won't have to do this again. We will find out next week what was discovered. There is nothing else I can do. Whatever they find will help with my Plan of Attack for this intruder. I just have to find my surgeon I want to stick with. I have good one now, but I must look at the bigger picture for me regarding where these procedures will take place. I want the best for myself. So we'll see what happens with the doctor I meet next Thursday.
The best part now is I can have a sense of relaxation. I can breathe for a while. I don't have a sense of panic currently. I need this time to chill and get into my "routine" of life a bit. A lot is ahead and I need to rest, relax and be my normal self for a while longer. So that's what I know for now. As I see it, My cup's half full. Give me the strength I need. Here I am and here I will be............Phewwww
