Today is Wednesday, May 18, 2010 and I began my anti-inflammatories (2 @ a time) twice a day. Oh, yay! They have steroids in them and the last time I was on these love-r-lee things, I became quite the BEE-och. This time I'm hoping I will see it coming and deal with it better. We'll see; won't we? LOL. Anyway, so far no worries. Going about my life.....
I've been dealing with my allergies. Oh, those buggery allergies. Many people currently have their red eyes, sneezing, wheezing, coughing jags, etc. I have the coughing jag! I sound like Mr. Limpet -- dating myself. Old Don Knotts' movie. Cute movie. So, I've been laying low. I did go out a couple days ago with a friend to a nursery located in Rainbow, CA. Love that little area. I love a few nurseries located down there. I had a chance to show and share with my friend. I love all the blooming going on so I can see the amazing colors of each growing and living plant. So, of course, you got it, my exposure to all those lovelies caused me to get all those histamines going up my nose! Plus, I'm sure it didn't help matters that it was windy. Timing, timing, timing. I'm coming back into chemo and now I am hacking and carrying on like I'm coughing up a lung. Gotta keep learning everyday about what my body can deal with or not deal with.
Today, my cough is much better because I haven't been talking much. I got my new laptop and have been working on it getting it up and running the way I want it to. It's been nice using my brain. Great exercise! Makes you feel normal! I may not remember stuff later, but for now I take it anyway I can! LOL! I have the TV on right now while writing this and Sex and the City reruns are on and the episode that is on is about Samantha dealing with her cancer she's in denial about. But then again, so are her friends -- in denial somewhat. So periodically, I find myself getting that big lump in my throat. I sit here by myself and experience some emotions that no one else ever sees. I feel my tear ducts getting cleaned out, yet again. There are certain things, events, maybe TV episodes that makes one reflect. It's ironic this episode is on. I guess, once again, there are no mistakes for me. I remember watching this episode a few years ago and not knowing I had cancer living in me --- and wow, it certainly has a new meaning altogether for me today. Such is life, eh?
I plan on having something extra special for dinner tonight cuz it's the night before chemo and it's becoming my every-3rd-week-right-of- passage meal. I figure it's very important to make myself and loved ones feel good about themselves - so why not through good and beautiful food? While I feel normal and can, I will eat something with great flavors, cuz I know in the next few days that will change. I now know I get mouth sores, skin rashes or other skin issues, sensitive teeth and then that all encompassing sloggy feeling. Makes my eyes roll back. So there I go, I am indulging myself.
Jim is lucky tonight because he's doing something he loves: golf. He's on a new weekly night league, so he's one happy camper.
Me and the dogs will be hanging out together tonight.
That's a subject I haven't touched upon in great detail yet -- My dogs. I still won't go into great detail but will say this: without my guys, I don't breathe or function right. Their unconditional love fills me up. Make note of the word: UNCONDITIONAL love. Gee, they do feel my energy big time. Sometimes, my chocolate lab, Woody will come and stare at me then place his paw up on my lap as he eases his way closer to my face as if to say, "Mommy, I'm here for you! I love you." Then there is my little terrier cross, Chewy, who comes up and must lay next to me whenever possible. When I have been shedding some tears, he comes up to my face and tries to lick my tears away. Very, very sweet. I don't usually allow my dogs to lick my face or get up in my very personal space, but when I'm a bit down, they know when to come in for the kill with me so-to-speak. They're no fools. LOL. I love my guys. I can't imagine not having them in my lives let alone not having them here with me these days. I squeeze them till they pop! (inside family joke)
In closing today, I ask for your prayers and good thoughts that this chemo will be yet another successful treatment and continue on the shrinkage campain to erradicate this intruder. I think my docs will be very pleased once they examine me tomorrow. Oh, yes, I see both docs, my surgeon first then go to chemo. Still have some concerns about my right arm. Still gets swollen and turns color --just not as bad, but it happens. Want to know if all is ok or if it's going to take more time. I'll find out and report this later.
And as a treat afterwards (chemo, that is), I will go to lunch then go to my new favorite grocery store: Whole Foods.
Life continues to move forward and I'm always hopeful and vigilant about living life. I want to live it more fully, but I'm finally understanding what my new normal is. I can't do what I did before regarding my stamina -- but I still have good energy. I still walk proud and tall. I still smile and laugh -- I think I need to laugh a little more, but sometimes it just doesn't happen. I am me but I have to say, I have changed inside big time -- which is a good thing. I have a calm I've never had before -- I am grateful. I also have to say that I'm amazed at the women who cope with this cancer WITHOUT support from loved ones. I cannot imagine going through this whole situation without my support network. I simply cannot imagine. I keep those beautiful women in my prayers and good thoughts as well. They need more than I. And, if they have children, their children need prayers and good thoughts as well. We all need to keep it real.
In closing: My Cup's Half Full! Gunna make the best of this one way or the other. For those doubting this: Try it, you might like it!(meaning: be happier and look at the bright side of things! Give it a shot!) I have NOTHING TO LOSE! Ha! Ha!
Ciao, ciao
