I'm pretty amazed at the progress so far since Chemo #4. I've had my "new plan of attack" since discussing with my oncologist and chemo nurse what has been been going on with me by the 4th day after chemo treatments. I guess it's just too easy for words: keep yourself flushed out! Keep it flowing! DUH! Wow, what a difference.
Of course, when one has chemo administered into their bodies, it's certainly not a warm and fuzzy feeling as it does it's job. It's there to seek out and destroy as I've come to visualize.
Sunday was one of those days. My goodness, I felt sloggy all over again even though I feel ahead of the intestinal game. So sad I have to find little triumphs somehow even if it means discussing my bowels. LOL. Go figure. That's what keeps life interesting, right? I guess no one can say I'm boring. That is one thing I promised my hubby 28 years ago -- he would NEVER EVER be bored with me. I think I've kept my end of that bargain.
I felt so proud of myself today because I was able able to cook up a huge stock pot of chicken noodle soup. I have come to completely rely on this basic staple. There is nothing easier or healthier than to cook your own chicken noodle soup. It is the soup of the soul. Even the chemo can't ruin the flavor! There's a triumph! out-maneuvering the chemo. I think I'm getting pretty feisty about finishing up and succeeding past this chemo. All I know is I have only 2 more treatments! Dear GAWD, 2 more. I can and will do this and then I can gear up for my major surgery.
I'm already gearing up. I have to. I have been for weeks now. I think one thing that surprises me the most is the different stages I've been going through for this preparation of surgery. I knew I had it all intellectualized already. But then other factors have come into play now -- emotional, physical, future self-realization, spiritual, psychological, etc. It's starting to hit me in different ways. I'm taking it as it comes. Sometimes it's through a lot of tears. Once again, it's not because I'm losing my breasts; it's due to change -- forever change -- one more step of my journey. I'm feeling like I'm always changing right now -- which is true. I guess I feel I can't get my footing under me. One thing happens,then the next, the next and the next follows. Ok. I'm flexible, but please, let me breathe. And I find it so funny that I'm feeling this way, because I've always been that type of person, I can change and be flexible on a dime. I've had to do this most of my professional life as well as while being a mom, you're forever changing on a dime, right? Well, now, I'm wanting to slow this process down a bit. I need to be able to absorb. Perhaps, I'm learning about my patience -- learning not to do the knee-jerk reactions that so often happen in our daily lives. I'm a newby in the change of this cancer lifestyle. I also said it out loud again to my family the other day as well as to a friend: I want this cancer out of me. That is my truth still. Please, God, take it out of me! But the chemo is working and I know the "shrinkage" is my new best friend. Contrary to old episodes of Seinfeld, SHRINKAGE is great for me concerning my tumors!
Gotta love it.
I'm starting to go down the road of exhaustion right now. It's funny how it suddenly hits and my brain gets foggy and weak. Now is the time to exit out of this blog. My cup's still half full, it's just a little too full for it's own good if you know what I mean.
Keeping up the faith and doing all I can to get through this any way I can!
Ciao, ciao!
