Talk about feeling lucky so far. Now, I know that I'm just beginning this road on Chemo, but not so bad.
I did start my morning a bit too early -- 6:45am to be exact, but the sun was out, the dogs were needing some attention and it was an opportunity for Jim to be able to sleep in a little.
Did the normal course of stuff today; took my 30 minute walk with my dog, went and bought some flowers to beautify around our home; purchased additional bird feeders then a little grocery shopping. Doesn't sound like much but that pretty much wiped me out after I planted and got things spruced up around the home.
I fell asleep on the couch for about 1 hr then proceeded to veg there an additional 2 hours. I felt like I had been really hit by a truck. Just tired -- my energy zapped. Perhaps, I was over enthusiastic this morning's early rise? HMM? Gotta be smarter about this. Just learning the ropes of this game apparently. But I did keep up on my fluids -- I'm finding that this is pivotal! Must drink and be very well hydrated. I cannot slip on this one. My nurse and docs have reminded me that if I borrow energy too heavily, that I will pay for it the next day. Apparently, that's what I did from Saturday. But I still have to work through the lower energy stuff. I'm eating really well with my little mini meals and they are clean foods. Very organic and very conscientious as to what I intake now. Extra careful. Will be honing in this much more.
Now, the night was another story. I was awakened by dogs that needed to go outside,but Jim bounded out of bed before I could attempt to move -- so that was one save, but unfortunately, my body still must have some of those anti inflammatories left in my bloodstream, but my mind would not shut up! This sounds so crazy (but then again, I'm a little there anyway..) but I kept on having Stevie Nix songs playing in my head. Over and over and over. It was too weird. Then my mind would waunder to whatever else it felt like thinking about. Just when I was about to go back out to sleep, once again, another dog needed to go out. What the heck was going on last night? They all had issues! Or at least 2 of the 4 dogs did! Either way, I got up the last 2 times with them. Yes, 2 more times! Ridiculous. Either way, get back into bed and start the whole process over listening to my "songs" in my head and then try to drift off. Well, then another emotion occurred. I was rethinking about the day's stuff that had occurred on Sunday.
Jim had brought in some mail that he had forgotten the previous day and in it were a couple of cards addressed to me. So I open gleefully. I kid you not, I love, love, love these cards. They are such a shot in the arm in a big positive way. One of the cards was from a dear girlfriend from high school that I used to work with up at HSU. The card was so beautiful and the words held such love and warmth I couldn't hold back tears. So after I regained my composure for the 2nd one, I opened it -- this one was from my former Northern Humboldt Eyes for the Blind guide dog puppy raising group. I was the leader of the group for a few years and I loved every minute of it with our volunteers. We were such very different people drawn in for a great cause and became essentially an extension of a family. When you make a commitment to raise a guide dog puppy you commit to at least a year and a half of your life to this puppy which does become a huge part of your family, so there is this huge investment. We all looked to one another for support, training, education, gatherings, pictures, outings.
So I opened this card. And inside were some of the most inspirational words written for me that I couldn't even finish reading it at first. Oh, yeah, I was doing the ugly cry. I mean full on blubbering, runny nose, clutching onto the card cry. Their words to me hit me into my SOUL. Apparently, I have no idea how much people do care about what is happening. Apparently, I need to appreciate people more. Their words will forever lift me up. For some, what's the big deal? It's a huge deal for me. Sometimes lately, I'm too heady about what is going on. I "think" way too much and need to turn it off. By receiving beautiful words of love and encouragement is one of the greatest medicines anyone could receive. Honestly, this caught me off guard at how I'm responding to things. I don't want to take anyone or anything for granted. I want my friends, new friends, and loved ones to know they do matter in every aspect to me -- that their words of love and encouragement are not laying on deaf ears. I have all my cards lined up so I can refer back to them and read them from time to time when I'm feeling a little isolated about all this turn around in my/our lives.
Once again, THANK YOU! It has saved me on so many occasions.
I did receive one of the most beautiful shawls that has been blessed for me to wear and feel the support of those who have made it. It's to come with me to chemo or wherever when I need support. Oh, dear, I need it daily now, so I have been wearing it a lot around the house and will take it with me to my next chemo so I can feel the spiritual support it represents. Thank you, dear friend, for sending this most precious of gifts my way. Once again, humbled beyond words. My words are not enough and for anyone who reads my words, good luck! LOL.
So today is Monday, it has started out slow and steady. I feel groggy from lack of sleep, but not sick at all. I know today is going to be the day of rest , but I will get outside and play a bit with the dogs and go to this lavendar store later on with my daughter, Ashley. It's going to be about 70 degrees today and am looking forward to letting the sun kiss my face today!
I'm rather emotional right now, probably because I'm lacking sleep, but if I need to clean out my tear ducts today yet again, I will let it happen with open arms. But for now, because I get to write this off my chest, I feel pretty darned relieved and refreshed a bit more. It's amazing how writing this out for all to see really is cathartic for me. I just wish I were a better writer, but practice does make perfect -- so maybe my skills will improve through all this. And maybe my humor will begin to show through again. Oh, where is Erma Bombeck when you need her? Bless her heart she was a funny woman and a very smart one, too!
The Cup's Half Full still............Ciao, Ciao
