Today I had my 2nd to last chemo treatment. Thank God! But getting there, I sure had my typical preparation issues I've had pretty much with each and every chemo...........I get very "heady" and think about what I could experience or may not experience -- since I have these vein issues, it's been stressful for me to just walk in and accept all that is happening with each and every insert of the needle into yet another different vein. It's not the doctor's fault NOR the oncology nurse's fault. It's the chemo! It such toxicity going into my veins. So I anticipate, which is crazy.
It's the control freak in me, once again. I use different positve affirmations reminding myself this is something I cannot control. All will work out; this medicine will do it's job in the cells it needs to work on -- which it has. So I manage to get myself in a place of serious thoughts; but thank goodness as we drive down to La Jolla I always have the music blaring to tunes that make me motivated or relaxed. It really depends where I'm at with my emotions at that moment. I'm an ecclectic music lover -- it can be from head-banging music to major melodic sounds. Who knows with me. But whatever it takes, we play.
By the time I arrive, I'm focused and somewhat relaxed. But once I have the opportunity to visit with the office staff and my "core team" I'm good to go. I can really relax in the environment I get to have my chemo. I have windows to look out and the chairs are very comfy; it's very clean and sedate, which I need. I also bring with me very pivotal special items with me each and every chemo treatment. I have my prayer shawl, my special coins, spiritual stuff. It brings me support. Each of us have our way of dealing with our stresses. This has worked for me. I also bring my computer, phone (which I only text with. I don't call during chemo). I have choices to read books, etc. But honestly, I have no sense of concentration of words for any length of time so I look at magazines when I feel like it.
I get to recap what my last 3 weeks have been like with the doc and nurse while the nurse is administering all the plethora of drugs into my body. (via the IV) I cannot tell you how important it is for me to be able to download all this information to the nurse and doc and confirm that this is all part of the process with chemo.
I did have a lot of water gain this last chemo -- 6 lbs to be exact! SUCKS BIG TIME. So I will be using a diuretic for the next month, which is temporary. Thank goodness. I will have to up my potassium levels with my foods, which is no problem. A lot more fruits and fruit juices. I have cut out the Gatorade even though I water it way, way down. Still has too much sodium for my body. That's fine, I can add organic fruit juices to my water to keep it interesting. But I drink so much water now, but I will conitnue to keep that priority drink number one.
Doc told me we will need to revisit me being able to travel up to my home town after my last chemo cuz he wants me to have my surgery within 3 - 4 weeks (no longer). That blew the wind out of my sales somewhat, but I understand. I have to get this cancer out of me soon. I don't want to be resting on my laurels and I certainly don't want to give Cancer a chance to invade any other locations. I will have to have a CAT scan before surgery in order for the surgeon to map out all the locations they will need to either surgically remove cancer or check out for further infiltration of cancer. (A huge pill to swallow thinking about it. Kind of freaks me out, but it's necessary. duh.)
I brought up the subject of radiation and we had a pretty frank discussion as to what I will need. I get the honor of having radiation for 6 weeks -- 5 days a week. Yup, intense. He has only about 3 radiation doctors that he "trusts". I will most likely go to a doc out of Vista -- love that area. We will discuss further realities, but that's where I may end up. But we'll see. I have not been misguided by my docs whatsoever and I want and require the best medical treatment possible -- also considering my level of cancer. No playing around with this. But I must say, I didn't freak out at all, but I can see how this is going to beat the crap out of me. 6 weeks -- 5days a week. YIKES!! I've been told radiation can kick you in the butt even more so than chemo. But the good news is, at least I know what areas now will be radiated. My chest, my left breast area, my axillary and possibly up by my neck area. But we'll see on that one. A lot. A lot. My prayers continue to get bigger. Oh, well, I need prayer. So back to the here and now.
Over the next 4 days are my days of sloggy feeling and fatigue; but one never knows how I will truly feel, but have learned to be prepared for the worst. By Monday, I'm at the mercy of my body's mechanics but I think I have this finally conquered.
I pray and pray and pray my veins hold up for the last 2 chemos. At least I know if something goes awre I will have the tools to use with the contrast therapy with ice/heat for 25 minutes total. That really helped with this phlebitis this last chemo.
My family is kicked into healing mode right now and are doing their tag-team roles amazingly well! I love them so much and cannot thank them enough for their constant love and support. My youngest daughter will be arriving in August and I cannot wait for her arrival as well as the arrival of her hubby a few weeks later. I will feel very complete and ready to face my surgery knowing they are all present. Like I've said prior, I cannot do this alone. I don't know how many women out there do it. They are my heroes. The inner strength to carry on no matter what. The relying on oneself! You are the rock stars to me. My prayers include YOU in my prayers.
One story I must share -- a short one.
Yesterday I had finished my PT therapy for my right arm. I was leaving the bathroom and coming out the door entering into the waiting room. There stood a little, skinny, very sick/cancer patient wearing her mask and completely BALD like me. She had the longest scar on her little tiny, skinny arm I think I have ever witnessed. Our eyes locked. I mean LOCKED. Immediate smiles -- I could see her eyes turn hopeful. She waived the cutest waive with her little fingers at me. I said a rather loud and spontaneous gleeful, "HI THERE!" It was like seeing a long-lost friend. We were immediately bonded for that moment in time cuz of our "likeness." I told her I hope she will do well. She just nodded.
At that very moment as I walked out, I felt such emotion and overwhelming pain in my heart and soul. No child should have to experience this Cancer or any serious illness. Children have such an amazing understanding that WE adults need to remind ourselves to listen to. They accept and conquer. I may never see her again, but for that moment I understood her situation. I just wanted to take her into my arms and hold her -- maybe cry together, maybe not; but I wanted to tell her all will be ok and you are loved! I will always remember her and I will reflect back and remember to keep my issues in perspective. This was no accidental meeting -- my angels and my God are working very diligently to remind me: Lynn, you will be ok; and my life is coming back to me soon enough. Always keep hope and love and gratitude in one's heart.
Wow, I my Cup's Half Full and I'm listening!!!
PS: HAPPY 4TH OF JULY UNITED STATES!!!
Ciao, Ciao!
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
My Wedding Anniversary with Cancer present
Today is a great day even though I'm bald as an eagle; but it could be much worse. Today Jim and I are celebrating our 28th wedding anniversary. We are pretty proud of that fact and the fact that we still actually LIKE each other. He's out golfing to begin his day -- which is a good thing since he is my caretaker and does a great job of tending to the majority of our daily stuff.......He's been my rock star as I have stated in previous blogs -- because it's all true. Part of going through this whole journey is dealing with our relationships. In my case, I'm happily married and we take our vows pretty seriously. If there was ever a time in our relationship where we reflect back on those words of our vows, it's now.
"For richer or pooer; in SICKNESS and in HEALTH....."
It's never perfect being in a marriage. Yes, it is work. It's just not meant to be the type of work that is like pulling teeth -- but then again, I think some couples love the "friction" -- it keeps their marriage working. Doesn't work for me, but who's to say what works for one couple to the next.
Jim and I are facing new challenges because of the cancer. On one hand, it ticks me off we have to be in this situation; and on the other, it's brought us even closer than I could imagine. It's rather interesting to me that in times of major tribulations how we all deal with our own stresses and if we want to face up to changes or not. I can only speak for me/us. We most definitely have had major, and I mean MAJOR adjustments to our relationship. I'm not the same -- plain and simple. I resent that fact, but it's the truth. I see myself in a different way now, consequently, I don't "relate" in the same manner back to my husband. We've had many a discussion through this process of cancer and chemo. There is a lot of understanding involved. I think it's been harder for me to come to this juncture because I've been so close with my husband. I don't know where Jim gets his understanding. He's so willing to do whatever it takes to make me feel whole or happy. I cannot ask for more. I just don't understand how HE can be so understanding. He's my true love I have hoped for all my life -- and I am fortunate to have him right in front of me. With that, I try to honor him in any way I can. As an example, I get the biggest kick out of being able to make him a breakfast or a lunch or dinner; I also enjoy being able to make him some espresso just the way he likes it. I also want to be able to vacuum thet floors when I feel up to it. He's always doing everything around this home of ours to make me be able to rest and relax more without unnecessary stress. I have to say, in the beginning of all this craziness, I was so fiercely protective of what I could and could not do -- my independence, that I would fight him everytime he tried to help me with anything. What a waste of energy! All that did was make me more exhausted and frustrated. I was the one that was having to step back and "allow" him to help me. So crazy to think now why that was such a big deal. But it is a big deal. I wanted everything to be the same. Guess, what? It's not. Life, once again, has changed forever. Yes, I realize, on the other side of this journey, I will get my independence back, but while one is in this situation, all you want IS your life back. But Jim patiently tends to what needs to be done and is glad to do so. He is my blessing and I can't imagine loving any one person more (other than our girls, of course).
THAT'S WHAT LOVE IS. Through this major test of our lives together he continues to show me daily how much he's committed to me and our lives together. He could have run to the hills, which I have found many husbands do these days when they find out their "wife" or "partner in life" has breast cancer. Even in 2011, this kind of rejection is going on. So amazingly hard to wrap my brain around, but I guess it takes all kinds of selfishness.
I also think that if it weren't for our faith and spiritual guidance, we would be lost in the hollowness that can come when you are dealt these set of circumstances. I cannot imagine not having HOPE, FAITH, LOVE, UNDERSTANDING and PATIENCE. I know I still have a long way to go in the completeness of this journey but I am willing to learn. Something good/great will come out of all of this. I know this to be true. And I know it's not a Pie-in-the-sky kind of feeling either. I just know...........
In the next 2 days I will be entering into my 5th Chemo -- I'm almost finished with Chemo! THANK YOU GOD!! My next phase will be coming up, but for now, I will face the last 2 chemos head-on, I hope, with GRACE and DIGNITY which I had prayed for since the beginning. I have lost the majority of my eyelashes this past 2 weeks; my eyebrows are so much thinner. My eyes are very teary always due to the Taxotere. I see myself differently yet again. It's funny how I can still walk by a mirror and take a glance, then another good, hard look and say to myself, "Who is that?" It always cracks me up. But, I admit, there are few times that I will look and get real tears in my eyes cuz I still can't believe this has happened to me and my family.......And once again I remember that there are so many others out there with so much worse. With so much MORE pain than mine/ours; with so much more heartbreak, etc. So it snaps me back to reality and I then say a little prayer of THANKS and move past that stupid mirror. I know I have to move forward and make the most of whatever my day is. This is temporary and I will / we will get through this NO MATTER WHAT! I'm doing this in spite of what the Cancer wants out of me. Like I've said other times, I will win this; I will conquer this and I will heal. I feel everyone's prayers. It's been very powerful -- what a feeling that embraces my body. That's why I know I'm not alone. THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART to all of you who do pray honestly and openly for me and my family. It doesn't go unnoticed.
I pray so much I think my angels are a little tired of hearing me. But maybe not. The shrinkage still is happening in the tumors.
Onward I say! Let's move forward -- face #5 chemo on Thursday with the dignity and calm and positive energy I need to get through it only 2 more times. A total of 6 treatments. My final treatment is July 21!!!! I hope my veins can withstand just 2 more. They will, I may be tracked up, but they will hold up.
Afterall, I am Lynn Johnson -- I'm too stubborn and willful and overly optimistic! And, Oh yeah, I don't like Cancer! I'm killing it with kindness, too!
I can honestly say My Cup's Half Full still and counting! Please keep those prayers alive for us!
Ciao, Ciao!
"For richer or pooer; in SICKNESS and in HEALTH....."
It's never perfect being in a marriage. Yes, it is work. It's just not meant to be the type of work that is like pulling teeth -- but then again, I think some couples love the "friction" -- it keeps their marriage working. Doesn't work for me, but who's to say what works for one couple to the next.
Jim and I are facing new challenges because of the cancer. On one hand, it ticks me off we have to be in this situation; and on the other, it's brought us even closer than I could imagine. It's rather interesting to me that in times of major tribulations how we all deal with our own stresses and if we want to face up to changes or not. I can only speak for me/us. We most definitely have had major, and I mean MAJOR adjustments to our relationship. I'm not the same -- plain and simple. I resent that fact, but it's the truth. I see myself in a different way now, consequently, I don't "relate" in the same manner back to my husband. We've had many a discussion through this process of cancer and chemo. There is a lot of understanding involved. I think it's been harder for me to come to this juncture because I've been so close with my husband. I don't know where Jim gets his understanding. He's so willing to do whatever it takes to make me feel whole or happy. I cannot ask for more. I just don't understand how HE can be so understanding. He's my true love I have hoped for all my life -- and I am fortunate to have him right in front of me. With that, I try to honor him in any way I can. As an example, I get the biggest kick out of being able to make him a breakfast or a lunch or dinner; I also enjoy being able to make him some espresso just the way he likes it. I also want to be able to vacuum thet floors when I feel up to it. He's always doing everything around this home of ours to make me be able to rest and relax more without unnecessary stress. I have to say, in the beginning of all this craziness, I was so fiercely protective of what I could and could not do -- my independence, that I would fight him everytime he tried to help me with anything. What a waste of energy! All that did was make me more exhausted and frustrated. I was the one that was having to step back and "allow" him to help me. So crazy to think now why that was such a big deal. But it is a big deal. I wanted everything to be the same. Guess, what? It's not. Life, once again, has changed forever. Yes, I realize, on the other side of this journey, I will get my independence back, but while one is in this situation, all you want IS your life back. But Jim patiently tends to what needs to be done and is glad to do so. He is my blessing and I can't imagine loving any one person more (other than our girls, of course).
THAT'S WHAT LOVE IS. Through this major test of our lives together he continues to show me daily how much he's committed to me and our lives together. He could have run to the hills, which I have found many husbands do these days when they find out their "wife" or "partner in life" has breast cancer. Even in 2011, this kind of rejection is going on. So amazingly hard to wrap my brain around, but I guess it takes all kinds of selfishness.
I also think that if it weren't for our faith and spiritual guidance, we would be lost in the hollowness that can come when you are dealt these set of circumstances. I cannot imagine not having HOPE, FAITH, LOVE, UNDERSTANDING and PATIENCE. I know I still have a long way to go in the completeness of this journey but I am willing to learn. Something good/great will come out of all of this. I know this to be true. And I know it's not a Pie-in-the-sky kind of feeling either. I just know...........
In the next 2 days I will be entering into my 5th Chemo -- I'm almost finished with Chemo! THANK YOU GOD!! My next phase will be coming up, but for now, I will face the last 2 chemos head-on, I hope, with GRACE and DIGNITY which I had prayed for since the beginning. I have lost the majority of my eyelashes this past 2 weeks; my eyebrows are so much thinner. My eyes are very teary always due to the Taxotere. I see myself differently yet again. It's funny how I can still walk by a mirror and take a glance, then another good, hard look and say to myself, "Who is that?" It always cracks me up. But, I admit, there are few times that I will look and get real tears in my eyes cuz I still can't believe this has happened to me and my family.......And once again I remember that there are so many others out there with so much worse. With so much MORE pain than mine/ours; with so much more heartbreak, etc. So it snaps me back to reality and I then say a little prayer of THANKS and move past that stupid mirror. I know I have to move forward and make the most of whatever my day is. This is temporary and I will / we will get through this NO MATTER WHAT! I'm doing this in spite of what the Cancer wants out of me. Like I've said other times, I will win this; I will conquer this and I will heal. I feel everyone's prayers. It's been very powerful -- what a feeling that embraces my body. That's why I know I'm not alone. THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART to all of you who do pray honestly and openly for me and my family. It doesn't go unnoticed.
I pray so much I think my angels are a little tired of hearing me. But maybe not. The shrinkage still is happening in the tumors.
Onward I say! Let's move forward -- face #5 chemo on Thursday with the dignity and calm and positive energy I need to get through it only 2 more times. A total of 6 treatments. My final treatment is July 21!!!! I hope my veins can withstand just 2 more. They will, I may be tracked up, but they will hold up.
Afterall, I am Lynn Johnson -- I'm too stubborn and willful and overly optimistic! And, Oh yeah, I don't like Cancer! I'm killing it with kindness, too!
I can honestly say My Cup's Half Full still and counting! Please keep those prayers alive for us!
Ciao, Ciao!
Monday, June 20, 2011
Just an update
It's been a week now since my left arm /chemo arm, that is, has had phlebitis. What a week it's been. It started out pretty slow getting my arm to stop hurting/aching and being overall "hot" to the touch. There has been swelling, too. So much fun -- I don't wish this on anyone. I don't wish any of this cancer walk on anyone for that matter. But either way, it's just another facet in this journey.
I went to my Lymphodema PT this past Friday and she was so much help making careful suggestions as to how I might get relief on this left arm. But we primarily had to focus on my right arm regarding my vein issue. Oh, yes, I still have that going on, but not in an emergency level. My PT stated that I'm doing a good job at home with the exercises I have been given to "move" the excess fluid that is hanging around in my bicep tricep area of my right arm. My former "port" scar is doing well -- it also pliable and the color is getting more to a normal skin color now. By the PT performing the special "massage" she does, it takes away the tightness of the skin and gives great relief off the arm as far as the fluid pressure is concerned.
It makes me relax a lot more which really helps my body out overall. All these little imbalances is a domino effect and causes the heart to work harder. That is another reason why I have to rest so much. But I am a very determined type person so I move forward as much as possible.
My overall energy is getting better with each day. I had a great day today and was able to hang out with my daughter and her "little sister" from Big Brothers /Big Sisters. We went to a ceramic painting studio for a few hours which was so relaxing and fun plus a creative outlet. It felt nice to have a sense of normalcy for a few hours. Love those times so much.
At one point I did get pretty overheated due to the fact the temperature was 94 degrees outside. I even took my bandana off for a few minutes publicly!!! What a coming out party for my scalp. Actually, it felt very natural for me to do so because I was so warm. There was another woman and her son sitting at another table -- they didn't seem to mind -- I didn't seem to mind either. All I knew was I needed to get cooled down. I'm sure before this whole baldness is finished, I will be exposing my scalp several more times. Once again: It is what it is. And I have to do what I need to in order to feel comfortable.
When I came home from my outing, I was a smart person and had a lunch and then took a rest. After the rest, which lasted about 1.5 hours, I was able to do my laundry and feel fine afterwards. Everyday mundane duties are good gauges to let me know how I'm doing that particular day. Like I stated earlier in the blog, today was a good day.
I can officially say, my Cup's Half Full again. Yay.
Ciao, Ciao!
I went to my Lymphodema PT this past Friday and she was so much help making careful suggestions as to how I might get relief on this left arm. But we primarily had to focus on my right arm regarding my vein issue. Oh, yes, I still have that going on, but not in an emergency level. My PT stated that I'm doing a good job at home with the exercises I have been given to "move" the excess fluid that is hanging around in my bicep tricep area of my right arm. My former "port" scar is doing well -- it also pliable and the color is getting more to a normal skin color now. By the PT performing the special "massage" she does, it takes away the tightness of the skin and gives great relief off the arm as far as the fluid pressure is concerned.
It makes me relax a lot more which really helps my body out overall. All these little imbalances is a domino effect and causes the heart to work harder. That is another reason why I have to rest so much. But I am a very determined type person so I move forward as much as possible.
My overall energy is getting better with each day. I had a great day today and was able to hang out with my daughter and her "little sister" from Big Brothers /Big Sisters. We went to a ceramic painting studio for a few hours which was so relaxing and fun plus a creative outlet. It felt nice to have a sense of normalcy for a few hours. Love those times so much.
At one point I did get pretty overheated due to the fact the temperature was 94 degrees outside. I even took my bandana off for a few minutes publicly!!! What a coming out party for my scalp. Actually, it felt very natural for me to do so because I was so warm. There was another woman and her son sitting at another table -- they didn't seem to mind -- I didn't seem to mind either. All I knew was I needed to get cooled down. I'm sure before this whole baldness is finished, I will be exposing my scalp several more times. Once again: It is what it is. And I have to do what I need to in order to feel comfortable.
When I came home from my outing, I was a smart person and had a lunch and then took a rest. After the rest, which lasted about 1.5 hours, I was able to do my laundry and feel fine afterwards. Everyday mundane duties are good gauges to let me know how I'm doing that particular day. Like I stated earlier in the blog, today was a good day.
I can officially say, my Cup's Half Full again. Yay.
Ciao, Ciao!
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
I'M JUST SAYIN............
This early evening, my daughter and I ran to the grocery store to pick up some last-minute items for the house. During my check-out I was standing there with the cashier getting ready to begin my transaction. A lady and her 2 boys ( I would say one boy was about 7 years old and the other pre-teen)came up into the line and began to unload their groceries. The smaller of the 2 boys started to literally take my food and begin to play with it as if he were playing with a ball -- tossing it around and putting his little fingers all over. I caught him doing this and stated to him swiftly and non-agressively, "Honey, do not play with my food, please." His mom stopped what she was doing and gave me a look as if I had just beaten her child blue. I looked her straight in the eye and stated back to her, "I'm going through chemo currently, and your child has many, many germs and I didn't want him transferring his germs onto MY food." The woman didn't utter a word. I mean nothing. She just stared.
I guess honesty and being proactive and direct is something odd to her. I'm sure she was taken aback. Frankly, I don't give a crap. This is probably the first time I've EVER NOT apologized for something so direct. I was so shocked myself.
Now, understand, I, too, am a mom. I've been there and have done that... I'm not a know-it-all, but one thing I do know, it is MY responsibility to be the best parent I can/could be. If nothing else, the child just needed to be made aware and to learn a valuable lesson of NOT touching other people's things. But in this case, of course, I'm being very proactive regarding trying to keep germs as much at bay as possible.
Oh, yeah, and for those who feel I shouldn't be in public at all: Kiss my grits! Just kiss it! I have every RIGHT to be a part of the human race and to conduct business as usual whenever possible! I'm not going to hide just because I may make some individuals uncomfortable out there. If nothing else, it's time in 2011 that people understand there are millions of people out there that are dealing and fighting back away from cancer.
I guess my point is this: Those of you who have children, please be mindful to teach your children and remind them to be respectful of others if they are "different."
I know I am sensitive right now. What a week so far. But as I stood there continuing with my transaction, this woman -- this mother -- tried to stare me down. As if I'm going to engage with her and her "ego issue" regarding her poor little boy. First off, he's not a poor little boy. Children have an amazing way of understanding quickly. They are sharp as tacks. We under-estimate their abilities at times, I think. They are not going to melt if we look or speak to them in a manner that is not filled with melodic sounds. For heaven's sake! Please! I can't expect others to be as sensitive to other's feelings, but all I know is this would have been a perfect opportunity for that woman to have shown him a valuable lesson of life. But NO, I got the total: Don't you ever speak to my child like that again.
Meanwhile, the cashier was so supportive of me and was so genuinely concerned I was ok. I appreciate her support. But I tell you this, I was not about to back down and cave and become a feeble little victim. Hell NO! I wasn't defensive, I was direct & spoke with no inflection of the voice. Get over yourselves over protective parents!
It makes me appreciate all the parents in our neighborhood and those who are in our lives. They are all so wonderful and do such a great job of raising their children, because I never ever have to think twice about children overstepping their boundaries as if they own the cul-de-sac! I love these parents! You are all rock stars!
So I will continue to move forward and continue to do my business as I see fit. I'm not going to be a heat seeking missile on the lookout for little kids touching my stuff, but I am mindful. I have to be. My immune system is thoroughly compromised. It's not my choice to be in this situation! Hello............. If I had it my way, I would have loved to have traded spaces with that woman any day of the week.
So, I'm just sayin............ This too shall pass, I know. But I had to get this out of myself. Tomorrow will be brighter, of course! How can it not? Right?
Can't wait till this is a memory from a long time ago.
Ciao, Ciao!
I guess honesty and being proactive and direct is something odd to her. I'm sure she was taken aback. Frankly, I don't give a crap. This is probably the first time I've EVER NOT apologized for something so direct. I was so shocked myself.
Now, understand, I, too, am a mom. I've been there and have done that... I'm not a know-it-all, but one thing I do know, it is MY responsibility to be the best parent I can/could be. If nothing else, the child just needed to be made aware and to learn a valuable lesson of NOT touching other people's things. But in this case, of course, I'm being very proactive regarding trying to keep germs as much at bay as possible.
Oh, yeah, and for those who feel I shouldn't be in public at all: Kiss my grits! Just kiss it! I have every RIGHT to be a part of the human race and to conduct business as usual whenever possible! I'm not going to hide just because I may make some individuals uncomfortable out there. If nothing else, it's time in 2011 that people understand there are millions of people out there that are dealing and fighting back away from cancer.
I guess my point is this: Those of you who have children, please be mindful to teach your children and remind them to be respectful of others if they are "different."
I know I am sensitive right now. What a week so far. But as I stood there continuing with my transaction, this woman -- this mother -- tried to stare me down. As if I'm going to engage with her and her "ego issue" regarding her poor little boy. First off, he's not a poor little boy. Children have an amazing way of understanding quickly. They are sharp as tacks. We under-estimate their abilities at times, I think. They are not going to melt if we look or speak to them in a manner that is not filled with melodic sounds. For heaven's sake! Please! I can't expect others to be as sensitive to other's feelings, but all I know is this would have been a perfect opportunity for that woman to have shown him a valuable lesson of life. But NO, I got the total: Don't you ever speak to my child like that again.
Meanwhile, the cashier was so supportive of me and was so genuinely concerned I was ok. I appreciate her support. But I tell you this, I was not about to back down and cave and become a feeble little victim. Hell NO! I wasn't defensive, I was direct & spoke with no inflection of the voice. Get over yourselves over protective parents!
It makes me appreciate all the parents in our neighborhood and those who are in our lives. They are all so wonderful and do such a great job of raising their children, because I never ever have to think twice about children overstepping their boundaries as if they own the cul-de-sac! I love these parents! You are all rock stars!
So I will continue to move forward and continue to do my business as I see fit. I'm not going to be a heat seeking missile on the lookout for little kids touching my stuff, but I am mindful. I have to be. My immune system is thoroughly compromised. It's not my choice to be in this situation! Hello............. If I had it my way, I would have loved to have traded spaces with that woman any day of the week.
So, I'm just sayin............ This too shall pass, I know. But I had to get this out of myself. Tomorrow will be brighter, of course! How can it not? Right?
Can't wait till this is a memory from a long time ago.
Ciao, Ciao!
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
I spoke too soon
Maybe it's fate and maybe it's karma -- either way, I, apparently spoke too soon when I stated all is going well. This morning about 5:15am I woke up with a very sore left elbow. As I focused in on joint, I could see my vein was popped up -- the vein where my chemo IV drip had been placed. My joint, too, was swollen and sore to the touch. So without hesitation, I got out of bed and began my "checklist" of possibilities as to what was going on with my body. I had been warned that if this ever happened, I would need to contact the doc ASAP. Being the good little soldier, I did as I was told after I deduced this was not a good thing.
My oncologist contacted me back and we agreed I would be coming into his office just as soon as I could get there -- in La Jolla. I was instructed to take 2 aspirin, which I did.
I get to the office and Dr. B took a good look at my arm and told me he knows this is pretty superficial and that I have phlebitis. I will need to keep heat on it for the next 24 hrs and that it could possibly stay in this situation for at least 2 weeks. Hey, what's another 2 weeks, right? GEEEEEEE!!!! For Heaven's Sake! Yumpin-Yiminy!
My doc does believe that I may be susceptible to blood clots and will have to have a special test taken at my 5th chemo appointment to determine this. And this is very, very important to know since I will be having major surgery in August. Hey, I would have never known this had I not gone through chemo, right? I will be checking in with my mom to find out family history as to blood clots or not.
I ask for prayers. I must say, even though this is not life-threatening and it could be so much worse, I felt like I was kicked in my gut today. I did experience some major emotion inside and just wanted to unleash from a mountain ridge one big heartfelt scream of frustration. I know, I know, I'm very lucky and have been pretty lucky so far, but these little issues that keep cropping up are frustrating. I think that is the "perfectionist" in me that comes out periodically. I want things to go "right." I want it to be mundane. But I guess, there is nothing mundane about we Johnsons! I am one special little entity.
This is teaching me and I must learn something from it -- understanding, patience, humility?
Ok. Once again, I am open for the learning aspect of this journey. It's keeping me in check, that is for sure!
So here I sit, yet again, keeping the heat on my popped up vein and being good. I'm trying to do what I need to do to get over this hiccup in life. I ask for prayers and good thoughts and all that can keep me safe from further little complications. I will get through this and try to maintain my half-cup status as much as possible!
I will keep rolling on forward and defy this situation! Tomorrow, I'm taking a long walk for me in order to get this frustration out of my system! So there! Cancer: you've met your match! I will rise above this YOU and I will Smile back at you and know I have conquered and squashed your evil!
Ciao!Ciao!
My oncologist contacted me back and we agreed I would be coming into his office just as soon as I could get there -- in La Jolla. I was instructed to take 2 aspirin, which I did.
I get to the office and Dr. B took a good look at my arm and told me he knows this is pretty superficial and that I have phlebitis. I will need to keep heat on it for the next 24 hrs and that it could possibly stay in this situation for at least 2 weeks. Hey, what's another 2 weeks, right? GEEEEEEE!!!! For Heaven's Sake! Yumpin-Yiminy!
My doc does believe that I may be susceptible to blood clots and will have to have a special test taken at my 5th chemo appointment to determine this. And this is very, very important to know since I will be having major surgery in August. Hey, I would have never known this had I not gone through chemo, right? I will be checking in with my mom to find out family history as to blood clots or not.
I ask for prayers. I must say, even though this is not life-threatening and it could be so much worse, I felt like I was kicked in my gut today. I did experience some major emotion inside and just wanted to unleash from a mountain ridge one big heartfelt scream of frustration. I know, I know, I'm very lucky and have been pretty lucky so far, but these little issues that keep cropping up are frustrating. I think that is the "perfectionist" in me that comes out periodically. I want things to go "right." I want it to be mundane. But I guess, there is nothing mundane about we Johnsons! I am one special little entity.
This is teaching me and I must learn something from it -- understanding, patience, humility?
Ok. Once again, I am open for the learning aspect of this journey. It's keeping me in check, that is for sure!
So here I sit, yet again, keeping the heat on my popped up vein and being good. I'm trying to do what I need to do to get over this hiccup in life. I ask for prayers and good thoughts and all that can keep me safe from further little complications. I will get through this and try to maintain my half-cup status as much as possible!
I will keep rolling on forward and defy this situation! Tomorrow, I'm taking a long walk for me in order to get this frustration out of my system! So there! Cancer: you've met your match! I will rise above this YOU and I will Smile back at you and know I have conquered and squashed your evil!
Ciao!Ciao!
Monday, June 13, 2011
So Far So Good since 4th Chemo
I'm pretty amazed at the progress so far since Chemo #4. I've had my "new plan of attack" since discussing with my oncologist and chemo nurse what has been been going on with me by the 4th day after chemo treatments. I guess it's just too easy for words: keep yourself flushed out! Keep it flowing! DUH! Wow, what a difference.
Of course, when one has chemo administered into their bodies, it's certainly not a warm and fuzzy feeling as it does it's job. It's there to seek out and destroy as I've come to visualize.
Sunday was one of those days. My goodness, I felt sloggy all over again even though I feel ahead of the intestinal game. So sad I have to find little triumphs somehow even if it means discussing my bowels. LOL. Go figure. That's what keeps life interesting, right? I guess no one can say I'm boring. That is one thing I promised my hubby 28 years ago -- he would NEVER EVER be bored with me. I think I've kept my end of that bargain.
I felt so proud of myself today because I was able able to cook up a huge stock pot of chicken noodle soup. I have come to completely rely on this basic staple. There is nothing easier or healthier than to cook your own chicken noodle soup. It is the soup of the soul. Even the chemo can't ruin the flavor! There's a triumph! out-maneuvering the chemo. I think I'm getting pretty feisty about finishing up and succeeding past this chemo. All I know is I have only 2 more treatments! Dear GAWD, 2 more. I can and will do this and then I can gear up for my major surgery.
I'm already gearing up. I have to. I have been for weeks now. I think one thing that surprises me the most is the different stages I've been going through for this preparation of surgery. I knew I had it all intellectualized already. But then other factors have come into play now -- emotional, physical, future self-realization, spiritual, psychological, etc. It's starting to hit me in different ways. I'm taking it as it comes. Sometimes it's through a lot of tears. Once again, it's not because I'm losing my breasts; it's due to change -- forever change -- one more step of my journey. I'm feeling like I'm always changing right now -- which is true. I guess I feel I can't get my footing under me. One thing happens,then the next, the next and the next follows. Ok. I'm flexible, but please, let me breathe. And I find it so funny that I'm feeling this way, because I've always been that type of person, I can change and be flexible on a dime. I've had to do this most of my professional life as well as while being a mom, you're forever changing on a dime, right? Well, now, I'm wanting to slow this process down a bit. I need to be able to absorb. Perhaps, I'm learning about my patience -- learning not to do the knee-jerk reactions that so often happen in our daily lives. I'm a newby in the change of this cancer lifestyle. I also said it out loud again to my family the other day as well as to a friend: I want this cancer out of me. That is my truth still. Please, God, take it out of me! But the chemo is working and I know the "shrinkage" is my new best friend. Contrary to old episodes of Seinfeld, SHRINKAGE is great for me concerning my tumors!
Gotta love it.
I'm starting to go down the road of exhaustion right now. It's funny how it suddenly hits and my brain gets foggy and weak. Now is the time to exit out of this blog. My cup's still half full, it's just a little too full for it's own good if you know what I mean.
Keeping up the faith and doing all I can to get through this any way I can!
Ciao, ciao!
Of course, when one has chemo administered into their bodies, it's certainly not a warm and fuzzy feeling as it does it's job. It's there to seek out and destroy as I've come to visualize.
Sunday was one of those days. My goodness, I felt sloggy all over again even though I feel ahead of the intestinal game. So sad I have to find little triumphs somehow even if it means discussing my bowels. LOL. Go figure. That's what keeps life interesting, right? I guess no one can say I'm boring. That is one thing I promised my hubby 28 years ago -- he would NEVER EVER be bored with me. I think I've kept my end of that bargain.
I felt so proud of myself today because I was able able to cook up a huge stock pot of chicken noodle soup. I have come to completely rely on this basic staple. There is nothing easier or healthier than to cook your own chicken noodle soup. It is the soup of the soul. Even the chemo can't ruin the flavor! There's a triumph! out-maneuvering the chemo. I think I'm getting pretty feisty about finishing up and succeeding past this chemo. All I know is I have only 2 more treatments! Dear GAWD, 2 more. I can and will do this and then I can gear up for my major surgery.
I'm already gearing up. I have to. I have been for weeks now. I think one thing that surprises me the most is the different stages I've been going through for this preparation of surgery. I knew I had it all intellectualized already. But then other factors have come into play now -- emotional, physical, future self-realization, spiritual, psychological, etc. It's starting to hit me in different ways. I'm taking it as it comes. Sometimes it's through a lot of tears. Once again, it's not because I'm losing my breasts; it's due to change -- forever change -- one more step of my journey. I'm feeling like I'm always changing right now -- which is true. I guess I feel I can't get my footing under me. One thing happens,then the next, the next and the next follows. Ok. I'm flexible, but please, let me breathe. And I find it so funny that I'm feeling this way, because I've always been that type of person, I can change and be flexible on a dime. I've had to do this most of my professional life as well as while being a mom, you're forever changing on a dime, right? Well, now, I'm wanting to slow this process down a bit. I need to be able to absorb. Perhaps, I'm learning about my patience -- learning not to do the knee-jerk reactions that so often happen in our daily lives. I'm a newby in the change of this cancer lifestyle. I also said it out loud again to my family the other day as well as to a friend: I want this cancer out of me. That is my truth still. Please, God, take it out of me! But the chemo is working and I know the "shrinkage" is my new best friend. Contrary to old episodes of Seinfeld, SHRINKAGE is great for me concerning my tumors!
Gotta love it.
I'm starting to go down the road of exhaustion right now. It's funny how it suddenly hits and my brain gets foggy and weak. Now is the time to exit out of this blog. My cup's still half full, it's just a little too full for it's own good if you know what I mean.
Keeping up the faith and doing all I can to get through this any way I can!
Ciao, ciao!
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Chemo #4 FINISHED!!! 2 treaments left!!!
Yes, it's true. I just finished my chemo 4 treatment. No surprises other than they cut back a little more off Taxere to help me deal with my mouth issues -- I was experiencing mouth sores, but then last time they cut it back, but then I developed the strangest roughness that stopped me from being able to taste anything. So strange. It was as though I had a bad coating of fat all around my gums and not able to taste anything. Then it through my tastebuds way off. We will see if this new adjustment will make a difference.
The biggest and best news of all was the fact that BOTH docs agreed my tumors have shrunk more! I felt like busting out with tears. But all I could do was smile and just enjoy those words. I cannot believe I would love hearing: SHRINKAGE!!! But I love it. I love it so much. The craziness of all this toxic chemo is working, but more than that, I know all the prayers, good positive thoughts, great energy coming my way and all that LOVE is helping me! I know that in my soul. So amazing. Wow, what a roller coaster ride this is. I would never have believed it to this great degree how much I go up and down. Part of the process.
I gave my oncologist, Dr. B, my list of side effects and he stated they are all normal side effects -- oh joy. But at least there is nothing that is too daunting to deal with.
The docs also loved the fact my lymphodema PT is working. They saw the reduction in my swelling. I have a ways to go, of course, to get back to normal, but it's well on its way.
So now I will be very restful and take it easier for the next 5 days because this is the time that I have quite a bit of chemo in me. It really does slog a person down -- at least this person feels that way. I have learned to go with it. But no nausea.
One thing my oncologist told me that now in this stage of the game I may -- May-- not cast in stone, develop a tingling sensation in my fingers and/or toes. If this happens, they will take away the Taxere. Fine with me. But I may not see any of this. But at this phase of the chemo treatments, this can occur. Please, don't let it happen. I just have 2 more chemos and I want to coast this out without any incidents. So close now.
After all the chemos, I get 4 weeks off maybe a little more, but most likely 4 weeks. I will then have my bi-lateral mastectomy plus the removal of the affected lymph nodes from my left underarm.(axillary). I will be meeting my reconstructive plastic surgeon sometime in July. The team is starting to get ready for my planof attack.
I am in the process of trying to get myself completely ready for this radical change in my life. It's not going to be a cake walk by any stretch of the imagination. You just don't lop these breasts off. It's a real big deal and I have to catch up with that fact. I realize I'm not DEFINED by my tah-tahs. But there is the other aspect to consider. I will be different. I am different now. I will have a sense of relief getting rid of the cancer. I will also have to have radiation on a part of my center chest area as well. Not sure what the plan is for that at this point, but I will have that going on soon after my surgery. A lot to take on and a lot to come to terms with. And I will. It's the journey. My journey and I have to figure this out. I will. I'm doing well and I feel I'm doing this in a very healthy and logical manner. It's not to say I don't mourn. I do. I do a lot at times. But it's not for the vanity issues at all. They have been a part of me all my life. I had the honor of being able to nurse both of my daughters. I feel so blessed to have had that opportunity to give this to both of my daughters in the beginning of their lives. So beautiful, so bonding, so well-worth it. I am eternally grateful for this gift. But now it's different. It's survival -- literally. So that is my choice and I'm at peace with this decision.
I was also given permission today to be able to travel up to see my mom and family/friends for a short trip up to Eureka! I imagine I'll be able to do so a couple weeks after my last chemo treatment! I am so excited about this. I need to see my mom before I go in for surgery. It's actually easier for me to travel to see her rather than have my 88 year-old mom travel to see me. She'll be safe in her home; a sense of security being in her own home and not having to deal with so much change. They can get so disoriented. This is why I need to see her up there. I'm missing my former home a bit. I feel I need to do this before my surgery. Boy, are you in for a surprise seeing my BALDNESS!!! LOL!! Oh, well. I feel so comfortable with this look. No wigs still. I just cannot do it. Too hot on the head and very odd for me. No way.
Yes, my Cup's Half Full! Hanging in there and hoping this go around with chemo won't be too dramatic. Who really knows? I will go with it -- can't help but have to go through it either way! Right?
Sending back love
Ciao, Ciao
The biggest and best news of all was the fact that BOTH docs agreed my tumors have shrunk more! I felt like busting out with tears. But all I could do was smile and just enjoy those words. I cannot believe I would love hearing: SHRINKAGE!!! But I love it. I love it so much. The craziness of all this toxic chemo is working, but more than that, I know all the prayers, good positive thoughts, great energy coming my way and all that LOVE is helping me! I know that in my soul. So amazing. Wow, what a roller coaster ride this is. I would never have believed it to this great degree how much I go up and down. Part of the process.
I gave my oncologist, Dr. B, my list of side effects and he stated they are all normal side effects -- oh joy. But at least there is nothing that is too daunting to deal with.
The docs also loved the fact my lymphodema PT is working. They saw the reduction in my swelling. I have a ways to go, of course, to get back to normal, but it's well on its way.
So now I will be very restful and take it easier for the next 5 days because this is the time that I have quite a bit of chemo in me. It really does slog a person down -- at least this person feels that way. I have learned to go with it. But no nausea.
One thing my oncologist told me that now in this stage of the game I may -- May-- not cast in stone, develop a tingling sensation in my fingers and/or toes. If this happens, they will take away the Taxere. Fine with me. But I may not see any of this. But at this phase of the chemo treatments, this can occur. Please, don't let it happen. I just have 2 more chemos and I want to coast this out without any incidents. So close now.
After all the chemos, I get 4 weeks off maybe a little more, but most likely 4 weeks. I will then have my bi-lateral mastectomy plus the removal of the affected lymph nodes from my left underarm.(axillary). I will be meeting my reconstructive plastic surgeon sometime in July. The team is starting to get ready for my planof attack.
I am in the process of trying to get myself completely ready for this radical change in my life. It's not going to be a cake walk by any stretch of the imagination. You just don't lop these breasts off. It's a real big deal and I have to catch up with that fact. I realize I'm not DEFINED by my tah-tahs. But there is the other aspect to consider. I will be different. I am different now. I will have a sense of relief getting rid of the cancer. I will also have to have radiation on a part of my center chest area as well. Not sure what the plan is for that at this point, but I will have that going on soon after my surgery. A lot to take on and a lot to come to terms with. And I will. It's the journey. My journey and I have to figure this out. I will. I'm doing well and I feel I'm doing this in a very healthy and logical manner. It's not to say I don't mourn. I do. I do a lot at times. But it's not for the vanity issues at all. They have been a part of me all my life. I had the honor of being able to nurse both of my daughters. I feel so blessed to have had that opportunity to give this to both of my daughters in the beginning of their lives. So beautiful, so bonding, so well-worth it. I am eternally grateful for this gift. But now it's different. It's survival -- literally. So that is my choice and I'm at peace with this decision.
I was also given permission today to be able to travel up to see my mom and family/friends for a short trip up to Eureka! I imagine I'll be able to do so a couple weeks after my last chemo treatment! I am so excited about this. I need to see my mom before I go in for surgery. It's actually easier for me to travel to see her rather than have my 88 year-old mom travel to see me. She'll be safe in her home; a sense of security being in her own home and not having to deal with so much change. They can get so disoriented. This is why I need to see her up there. I'm missing my former home a bit. I feel I need to do this before my surgery. Boy, are you in for a surprise seeing my BALDNESS!!! LOL!! Oh, well. I feel so comfortable with this look. No wigs still. I just cannot do it. Too hot on the head and very odd for me. No way.
Yes, my Cup's Half Full! Hanging in there and hoping this go around with chemo won't be too dramatic. Who really knows? I will go with it -- can't help but have to go through it either way! Right?
Sending back love
Ciao, Ciao
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Lymphodema PT
I began my physical theraphy for my right arm this past Thursday. I was evaluated by Emily, my new PT for my swelling in my right arm. Very interesting to learn about how our bodies work with regard to our lymphatic system. I was given some homework to do over the weekend to get me started loosening up the swelling that is primarily in my upper arm & armpit area. I was pleasantly surprised to find out that all I need to do is lightly stroke the areas that are affected in a certain circular motion to get it to travel to the different lymphatic areas.
I went to my appointment today in Corona for my official first day of treatment on my right arm. It went really well. She knew I had was pretty diligent working on my affected area. She could tell by how much fluid was located in my armpit. She was able to move the fluid after about 30 minutes of a certain type of massage. Very interesting to say the least and it was really relaxing. She is letting me know my arm will improve, but it will take some time. Amazing how our bodies work and how long it takes to heal. No quick fixes; just a lot of diligence and consistency and follow-through in order for improvement. I don't mind it at all. I just want full use of my arm again without the swelling.
Overall, I'm feeling pretty normal right now (what is my new normal, that is). I took a rest today -- had a power nap and then was ready for the rest of the afternoon. Pretty much now, I must take rests and/or naps in order to make it through the day without becoming completely incapacitated. Still must keep up the fluids and make sure I have my little snacks nearby.
I have my 4th chemo treatment this Thursday, June 9. I begin, once again, with my anti-inflammatories tomorrow. I have truly grown to resent the heck out of those pills. I just don't like what it does to my body; but it does prevent me from major reactions to the Taxotere (chemo drug) I am administered. Boy, it keeps me awake so then I must take a sleeping pill. But I must say, the sleep aid I take is great because I do not have a hangover effect like I used to have with Tylenol PM.
I guess I'm rather quiet these days regarding the writing about my treatment. I can feel my tumors are shrinking and cannot wait for my docs to see the progress. I'm surprised how routine I'm feeling about this treatment. I'm doing what I can which is taking care of myself. I always feel guilt regarding how hard my family works for me. They insist and I have given up fighting them. There simply is no point in arguing or trying to prove something to myself when all it does is put me in a vulnerable situation in the longrun. So I go with the program anymore.
I, like others, simply want to have my life back and freedoms to come and go as we please. I must learn more patience and that is a daily battle for me. Everyone is living their lives. I sit here watching the grass grow. LOL.
But then I remember reality. But it's hard not to feel these feelings.
So for now, I'm status quo. Feeling strong and resting well. I get to do things outside the home for a few more hours which I savor! My prayers & positive attitude is stronger than ever and keeps me level of stress to minimum levels. I would be lying if I didn't admit that I'm already getting prepared for my surgery which will happen in mid August. I know this one is going to be a true test of my being. Lots of thoughts on this subject, but am not willing to write about it currently. I think it would exhaust me to go there currently -- not to mention I know my tears will start the flood-gates again and I don't want to do that now. Will touch on this subject later, but not now.
I am enjoying this beautiful weather -- don't like the wind, but could be worse.
I'm doing well and I hope for continued prayers, good thoughts and great energy coming from my extended friends and family.
Ciao! Ciao all!
I went to my appointment today in Corona for my official first day of treatment on my right arm. It went really well. She knew I had was pretty diligent working on my affected area. She could tell by how much fluid was located in my armpit. She was able to move the fluid after about 30 minutes of a certain type of massage. Very interesting to say the least and it was really relaxing. She is letting me know my arm will improve, but it will take some time. Amazing how our bodies work and how long it takes to heal. No quick fixes; just a lot of diligence and consistency and follow-through in order for improvement. I don't mind it at all. I just want full use of my arm again without the swelling.
Overall, I'm feeling pretty normal right now (what is my new normal, that is). I took a rest today -- had a power nap and then was ready for the rest of the afternoon. Pretty much now, I must take rests and/or naps in order to make it through the day without becoming completely incapacitated. Still must keep up the fluids and make sure I have my little snacks nearby.
I have my 4th chemo treatment this Thursday, June 9. I begin, once again, with my anti-inflammatories tomorrow. I have truly grown to resent the heck out of those pills. I just don't like what it does to my body; but it does prevent me from major reactions to the Taxotere (chemo drug) I am administered. Boy, it keeps me awake so then I must take a sleeping pill. But I must say, the sleep aid I take is great because I do not have a hangover effect like I used to have with Tylenol PM.
I guess I'm rather quiet these days regarding the writing about my treatment. I can feel my tumors are shrinking and cannot wait for my docs to see the progress. I'm surprised how routine I'm feeling about this treatment. I'm doing what I can which is taking care of myself. I always feel guilt regarding how hard my family works for me. They insist and I have given up fighting them. There simply is no point in arguing or trying to prove something to myself when all it does is put me in a vulnerable situation in the longrun. So I go with the program anymore.
I, like others, simply want to have my life back and freedoms to come and go as we please. I must learn more patience and that is a daily battle for me. Everyone is living their lives. I sit here watching the grass grow. LOL.
But then I remember reality. But it's hard not to feel these feelings.
So for now, I'm status quo. Feeling strong and resting well. I get to do things outside the home for a few more hours which I savor! My prayers & positive attitude is stronger than ever and keeps me level of stress to minimum levels. I would be lying if I didn't admit that I'm already getting prepared for my surgery which will happen in mid August. I know this one is going to be a true test of my being. Lots of thoughts on this subject, but am not willing to write about it currently. I think it would exhaust me to go there currently -- not to mention I know my tears will start the flood-gates again and I don't want to do that now. Will touch on this subject later, but not now.
I am enjoying this beautiful weather -- don't like the wind, but could be worse.
I'm doing well and I hope for continued prayers, good thoughts and great energy coming from my extended friends and family.
Ciao! Ciao all!
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
On the mend
After being on the antibiotics for 4 days, I'm definitely on the mend. I managed to dodge a bullet by not needing to go the hospital afterall. I responded very quickly to the effects of the antibiotics. And I haven't gotten a yeast infection as of now, but am ready with ammo if I do start to feel those symptoms to rear their ugly little heads.
I do, however, have this lingering cough which I am watching closely. It's a big cough that exhausts me by the end of the day. I don't cough all day, thank goodness, but when I do cough, it's very intense. Today, I've begun to take a decongestant to see if this can assist in breaking it up.
Life has been very limited for me and am starting to climb the walls a bit. I did get out yesterday for a while so we were able to take in a lunch, a few errands then come home. I wasn't exhausted but my cough really came on strong for a while. So I began my regimen of hot tea and gargling. I'm sure out local winds do not help this cough. I do know a lot of people here are really suffering big time with all their allergies. So we'll see what gives.
I have almost forgotten, but I finally found --or I should say, Jim found me a Lymphodema PT in Corona -- about 25 minutes up the road. So tomorrow I go get an evaluation as to how we will proceed with my veins in my right arm. I don't actually have a lymph node issues, but this surrounds my lack of blood flow from my port I had removed. I continue to have some swelling and discolorations. I can also visibly see where my surface veins are more prominent. So they need to be redirected to get the other veins involved once again for proper blood flow. I'm rather excited to see and meet this PT for my next plan of attack. Hey, I have to have some sort of something to look forward to. LOL.
Other than that, my dogs are really good. Poor Chewy got attacked by me and my scissors the other day. At least I can see his cute little eyes, ears and mouth again! LOL. Woody continues to be such a sweet and ever-so-faithful boy. Of course, my family is my strength and continued support. All my close friends seem to know when they should call. THANK YOU. It's times like these when we find out who are your true friends. I send my love back at you. I continue to pray, meditate and try to visualize the positive outcome of this journey. Somes days are easier than others. I pray that this disease will be erradicated one day.
My cup's half full but being challenged! I will get through this. I think its one step at a time. Give me strength. Give me Hope and above all Give me the Love so as this cancer has no room to stay!
Ciao, Ciao!
I do, however, have this lingering cough which I am watching closely. It's a big cough that exhausts me by the end of the day. I don't cough all day, thank goodness, but when I do cough, it's very intense. Today, I've begun to take a decongestant to see if this can assist in breaking it up.
Life has been very limited for me and am starting to climb the walls a bit. I did get out yesterday for a while so we were able to take in a lunch, a few errands then come home. I wasn't exhausted but my cough really came on strong for a while. So I began my regimen of hot tea and gargling. I'm sure out local winds do not help this cough. I do know a lot of people here are really suffering big time with all their allergies. So we'll see what gives.
I have almost forgotten, but I finally found --or I should say, Jim found me a Lymphodema PT in Corona -- about 25 minutes up the road. So tomorrow I go get an evaluation as to how we will proceed with my veins in my right arm. I don't actually have a lymph node issues, but this surrounds my lack of blood flow from my port I had removed. I continue to have some swelling and discolorations. I can also visibly see where my surface veins are more prominent. So they need to be redirected to get the other veins involved once again for proper blood flow. I'm rather excited to see and meet this PT for my next plan of attack. Hey, I have to have some sort of something to look forward to. LOL.
Other than that, my dogs are really good. Poor Chewy got attacked by me and my scissors the other day. At least I can see his cute little eyes, ears and mouth again! LOL. Woody continues to be such a sweet and ever-so-faithful boy. Of course, my family is my strength and continued support. All my close friends seem to know when they should call. THANK YOU. It's times like these when we find out who are your true friends. I send my love back at you. I continue to pray, meditate and try to visualize the positive outcome of this journey. Somes days are easier than others. I pray that this disease will be erradicated one day.
My cup's half full but being challenged! I will get through this. I think its one step at a time. Give me strength. Give me Hope and above all Give me the Love so as this cancer has no room to stay!
Ciao, Ciao!
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