Chemo #4 FINISHED!!! 2 treaments left!!!

Yes, it's true.  I just finished my chemo 4 treatment. No surprises other than they cut back a little more off Taxere to help me deal with my mouth issues -- I was experiencing mouth sores, but then last time they cut it back, but then I developed the strangest roughness that stopped me from being able to taste anything.  So strange.  It was as though I had a bad coating of fat all around my gums and not able to taste anything.  Then it through my tastebuds way off.  We will see if this new adjustment will make a difference.

The biggest and best news of all was the fact that BOTH docs agreed my tumors have shrunk more!  I felt like busting out with tears. But all I could do was smile and just enjoy those words.  I cannot believe I would love hearing: SHRINKAGE!!! But I love it.  I love it so much.  The craziness of all this toxic chemo is working, but more than that, I know all the prayers, good positive thoughts, great energy coming my way and all that LOVE is helping me!  I know that in my soul.  So amazing.  Wow, what a roller coaster ride this is. I would never have believed it to this great degree how much I go up and down.  Part of the process.

I gave my oncologist, Dr. B, my list of side effects and he stated they are all normal side effects -- oh joy.  But at least there is nothing that is too daunting to deal with. 

The docs also loved the fact my lymphodema PT is working. They saw the reduction in my swelling. I have a ways to go, of course, to get back to normal, but it's well on its way. 
So now I will be very restful and take it easier for the next 5 days because this is the time that I have quite a bit of chemo in me.  It really does slog a person down -- at least this person feels that way.  I have learned to go with it.  But no nausea. 

One thing my oncologist told me that now in this stage of the game I may -- May-- not cast in stone, develop a tingling sensation in my fingers and/or toes. If this happens, they will take away the Taxere.  Fine with me.  But I may not see any of this.  But at this phase of the chemo treatments, this can occur.  Please, don't let it happen.  I just have 2 more chemos and I want to coast this out without any incidents.  So close now.

After all the chemos, I get 4 weeks off maybe a little more, but most likely 4 weeks. I will then have my bi-lateral mastectomy plus the removal of the affected lymph nodes from my left underarm.(axillary).  I will be meeting my reconstructive plastic surgeon sometime in July.  The team is starting to get ready for my planof attack. 
I am in the process of trying to get myself completely ready for this radical change in my life. It's not going to be a cake walk by any stretch of the imagination.  You just don't lop these breasts off.  It's a real big deal and I have to catch up with that fact.  I realize I'm not DEFINED by my tah-tahs. But there is the other aspect to consider.  I will be different.  I am different now.  I will have a sense of relief getting rid of the cancer.  I will also have to have radiation on a part of my center chest area as well.  Not sure what the plan is for that at this point, but I will have that going on soon after my surgery. A lot to take on and a lot to come to terms with. And I will.  It's the journey.  My journey and I have to figure this out.  I will.  I'm doing well and I feel I'm doing this in a very healthy and logical manner.  It's not to say I don't mourn. I do.  I do a lot at times. But it's not for the vanity issues at all. They have been a part of me all my life.  I had the honor of being able to nurse both of my daughters.  I feel so blessed to have had that opportunity to give this to both of my daughters in the beginning of their lives.  So beautiful, so bonding, so well-worth it.  I am eternally grateful for this gift.  But now it's different.  It's survival -- literally.  So that is my choice and I'm at peace with this decision. 

I was also given permission today to be able to travel up to see my mom and family/friends for a short trip up to Eureka!  I imagine I'll be able to do so a couple weeks after my last chemo treatment! I am so excited about this.  I  need to see my mom before I go in for surgery. It's actually easier for me to travel to see her rather than have my 88 year-old mom travel to see me.  She'll be safe in her home; a sense of security being in her own home and not having to deal with so much change.  They can get so disoriented.  This is why I need to see her up there.  I'm missing my former home a bit.  I feel I need to do this before my surgery.  Boy, are you in for a surprise seeing my BALDNESS!!!  LOL!! Oh, well.  I feel so comfortable with this look.  No wigs still.  I just cannot do it.  Too hot on the head and very odd for me. No way.

Yes, my Cup's Half Full! Hanging in there and hoping this go around with chemo won't be too dramatic.  Who really knows?  I will go with it -- can't help but have to go through it either way!  Right?

Sending back love
Ciao, Ciao