Today was a good day -- in a manner of speaking. At the beginning of my day, I took a nice walk with my 2 dogs. They make me laugh always and I especially get a kick out of watching them tear down the trail and field I walk through so they may get some of their excess Yah-yahs out of their system. I love it. Came back did my housework and even ironed! Yes, IRON clothing! I love to do so when I'm preoccupied or have unsettled feelings. Today, I had good reason to have unsettled feelings due to the fact I was beginning my 6-7 week process of radiation therapy. Now, I realize it could be so much worse -- I'm always aware of this fact, but the unknown to me can grow bigger than what it needs to be -- I visualize in a positive way, but I'm still a human being and this is how I process things especially these days. It's been such a secret as to RADIATION THERAPY. When I've heard about people getting radiation, this includes when my father had radiation treatment for prostate cancer, I thought it was done possibly in a room that looked very white and had a big machine in the center -- a nurse and/or tech would place some kind of mechanism on the site where it needed to focus and that would be it.
Well, it's not quite that way for me and my breast situation. Now, I've already written that I knew I would be lying down -- that is correct. When I walked into this large room which was painted quite nicely -- blues that calm a person down -- I didn't expect to see such a large radiation machine that had a large retractable type arm that had a square looking screen attached to it as well. I was placed on the table that sits in front of the machine -- laying face up with my head towards the machine. The techs began quickly and swiftly all the while explaining to me what was going on, what areas they were focusing on, where my tattoos were going to be placed, etc. -- it was still very overwhelming how quickly they were getting to it. I looked up and there was a dome area with computer generated stars with shooting stars that would come across the domed area. It was really beautiful and calming -- good job designers whoever they were. I found myself watching every motion they were doing. I was specifically told, "DO NOT MOVE." No wiping the nose, no scratching this or that. DO NOT MOVE. Ok, I am a good little patient. I didn't move till a single tear dripped down the side of my face. I couldn't help it. I had to wipe it away. I guess I finally realized the magnitude of my situation. While they were working so diligently to make all the marks perfect so they can erradicate any potential cells, I was feeling major emotions. No, I didn't begin to cry, it was that single tear that overflowed. I guess, the one that got away! LOL. Anyway, I tried to clear it and I was swiftly told to stop moving, please. Then before I could say anything further, one of my techs got a tissue and wiped my eyes for me. The 2nd tech reassured me and placed a reassuring hand on me to let me know it's going to be all ok. It's kind of funny how I have to process the way I do. I wish sometimes I was made of steel and could get through things as if I was a cool cucumber. But NO way -- I guess I am sensitive enough to feel everything -- oh, well. That's me. Love me or not!
Once all was set-up, they left the room and did the dry run. The machine began to move around me -- some little machine came out from the side of the main machine and began to make noise -- apparently that was an x-ray machine -- very efficient if you ask me. Then it retracted back in place -- then the upper arm began to move around my upper torso area making it's specific noises it needs to. I watched it come up from my right side come over the top front of me and over to my left. It finished what it needed to do and then came back over me. Once this was done, the tech came back in and told me they would now begin the radiation process -- she shut the door, which by the way, was a very thick vault-like door! DANG! They turned on music, which was nice -- I was left there by myself with my thoughts and prayers...............I cannot articulate my thoughts that were swirling in my head. Part of me was saying, "Here I go; this is the beginning of the end of this whole journey to my healing; oh, dear how do I get out of this one; will I feel my organs heat up; have they made the correct computations for this radiation; what's for dinner....."
No, not really about the dinner thing, but my thoughts were swirling quickly and rapidly in my head.
I also thought, even though it's been months now, I still can't believe I'm in this situation and having to go through this process. Weird emotions maybe; but maybe not. I truly believe this is normal. How can it not be normal? Either way, I survived it and will survive 27 more treatments. It's going to be very important that I keep on my radiated area aloe vera gel 99% and/or Miaderm cream -- which I was given samples. This is to prevent any peeling, sunburn issues, etc. I cannot take hot baths or hot showers -- luke warm, yes. There are more details, but I will spare all of you.
For the first treatment it took 30 minutes. Tomorrow should take about 20 minutes and thereafter. So on I go and cannot wait till this is finished. I should be finished by Dec. 20. At least I hope that to be the case.
I continue to pray and pray and pray all this will be resolved and I will be a part of the cure! My family and friends are my rocks and I appreciate all the love they share with me. It's so important and I need it more than ever.
Yes, my Cup's still half full!
Ciao, Ciao!
Well, it's not quite that way for me and my breast situation. Now, I've already written that I knew I would be lying down -- that is correct. When I walked into this large room which was painted quite nicely -- blues that calm a person down -- I didn't expect to see such a large radiation machine that had a large retractable type arm that had a square looking screen attached to it as well. I was placed on the table that sits in front of the machine -- laying face up with my head towards the machine. The techs began quickly and swiftly all the while explaining to me what was going on, what areas they were focusing on, where my tattoos were going to be placed, etc. -- it was still very overwhelming how quickly they were getting to it. I looked up and there was a dome area with computer generated stars with shooting stars that would come across the domed area. It was really beautiful and calming -- good job designers whoever they were. I found myself watching every motion they were doing. I was specifically told, "DO NOT MOVE." No wiping the nose, no scratching this or that. DO NOT MOVE. Ok, I am a good little patient. I didn't move till a single tear dripped down the side of my face. I couldn't help it. I had to wipe it away. I guess I finally realized the magnitude of my situation. While they were working so diligently to make all the marks perfect so they can erradicate any potential cells, I was feeling major emotions. No, I didn't begin to cry, it was that single tear that overflowed. I guess, the one that got away! LOL. Anyway, I tried to clear it and I was swiftly told to stop moving, please. Then before I could say anything further, one of my techs got a tissue and wiped my eyes for me. The 2nd tech reassured me and placed a reassuring hand on me to let me know it's going to be all ok. It's kind of funny how I have to process the way I do. I wish sometimes I was made of steel and could get through things as if I was a cool cucumber. But NO way -- I guess I am sensitive enough to feel everything -- oh, well. That's me. Love me or not!
Once all was set-up, they left the room and did the dry run. The machine began to move around me -- some little machine came out from the side of the main machine and began to make noise -- apparently that was an x-ray machine -- very efficient if you ask me. Then it retracted back in place -- then the upper arm began to move around my upper torso area making it's specific noises it needs to. I watched it come up from my right side come over the top front of me and over to my left. It finished what it needed to do and then came back over me. Once this was done, the tech came back in and told me they would now begin the radiation process -- she shut the door, which by the way, was a very thick vault-like door! DANG! They turned on music, which was nice -- I was left there by myself with my thoughts and prayers...............I cannot articulate my thoughts that were swirling in my head. Part of me was saying, "Here I go; this is the beginning of the end of this whole journey to my healing; oh, dear how do I get out of this one; will I feel my organs heat up; have they made the correct computations for this radiation; what's for dinner....."
No, not really about the dinner thing, but my thoughts were swirling quickly and rapidly in my head.
I also thought, even though it's been months now, I still can't believe I'm in this situation and having to go through this process. Weird emotions maybe; but maybe not. I truly believe this is normal. How can it not be normal? Either way, I survived it and will survive 27 more treatments. It's going to be very important that I keep on my radiated area aloe vera gel 99% and/or Miaderm cream -- which I was given samples. This is to prevent any peeling, sunburn issues, etc. I cannot take hot baths or hot showers -- luke warm, yes. There are more details, but I will spare all of you.
For the first treatment it took 30 minutes. Tomorrow should take about 20 minutes and thereafter. So on I go and cannot wait till this is finished. I should be finished by Dec. 20. At least I hope that to be the case.
I continue to pray and pray and pray all this will be resolved and I will be a part of the cure! My family and friends are my rocks and I appreciate all the love they share with me. It's so important and I need it more than ever.
Yes, my Cup's still half full!
Ciao, Ciao!
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