Here I go again expressing myself with a social media forum of sorts.
I haven't written in weeks, yet again. It's nice to know my life is getting more normal (whatever that means) as I continue to heal. I don't feel the need to get my emotions out into cyberspace on a routine basis, I guess.
I must admit, I do think about what I would say, and then don't follow through with the writing it down on my blog. But today, I must write this all down so I can document as well as "remember" what transpired down in my lovely, La Jolla -- Scripps Medical Center. I had my 3-month follow-up appointment to see my oncologist and my surgeon.
I have to say, I really feel very secure when I see these professionals. I can't always say I love doctors. There is that fear factor lurking in the background for me now. I remember when I would go to the doctor and think nothing of it. I would go with no issues in my head and just show up because it was an annual appointment I knew that was needed to be a responsible person doing their duty to take care of oneself -- plus I was younger, more fit and raising kids, working outside the home, etc. But now, post CANCER treatments, I feel differently. Perhaps, this is only normal considering what I've gone through this past year. I just "celebrated" my year since my last chemo treatment, which was July 21, 2011. It's rather ironic to me I can't remember certain birthdays of friends, anniversaries of others yet I can remember that date like I know my own birthday. I wish I could forget it, but that's not the case here. I don't really speak about it to others -- however, I did speak about it to my immediate family. I'm soooooooooo grateful I finished it and survived it! So grateful for so many things and I pray I never, ever have to relive or revisit chemo treatment again. My body is getting stronger each day and continues to show me that the toxins are leaving my body; yet I still have certain issues that surround chemo -- I can't eat certain foods, tastes are a little different still, etc. But the good news, they aren't that big of an issue. Maybe I've learned to live with certain changes. I don't like certain foods -- my tastebuds are different now. Overall, my body has changed quite a bit from before and I haved learned to live with those changes.
I think I veared off my immediate subject at hand. As I have stated, I saw my doctors today. With each follow-up visit, I always learn additional information about what I should be avoiding or what I need to check into for my future healing. I know I will always learn something new regarding how to continue to live my life in a cleaner, healthier way from here on forward. Sometimes I think we can get overwhelmed at how much information is out there about cancer and how to live post treatments; but one has to be very careful as to what is legitimate information vs. what is sensationalism. I read a lot of information, but I take it with a grain of salt. There's just so much to absorb.
Both my doctors gushed at how good I look and how healthy I am. Wow, what a wonderful conversation. I do feel wonderful and I feel like I'm getting my life back. I just need more time to figure out a few more things that don't have anything to do with my "physical" being. Pretty much now it's my emotional state of being. But my overall health is wonderful and I realize how lucky I am. I am truly blessed and I know it. I treasure it. I don't take it for granted whatsoever.
When I walked by my former chemo room today while being escorted into my exam room of my oncologist, I actually got a little choked up looking and observing the room as I walked by. That really surprised me. It must have to do with the fact I just celebrated my anniversary. I certainly don't miss that room, but I think it had to do with the fact all those hours there were about saving my life while I knew I was ingesting such poison. In my case, necessary poison. I wouldn't wish it on even my worst enemy having to endure the needles, fluid and then the side effects. But I made it through. I conquered it! I'm so proud of this fact.
My oncologist had me take a blood test in his office to see if there are any lasting issues that the chemo has left after one year. I will get those results sometime soon. I have really good veins, so it was easy to get the draw of my blood. Honestly, I have no worries. And I keep that prayer going on without sounding too glib -- believe you me, I don't take anything for granted.
I then left my oncologist's office and took the elevator up 2 more floors to my surgeon, who, by the way, is an amazingly great doctor as well. He see's me to check to make sure my bi-lateral surgery site is healing well. He also checks my former port area since I had veinous issues. He assured me that once I get my expanders out that I will once again have a normal sense of relief in my chest area. Oh, yeah, I still sport my expanders for those who have forgotten this little fact. It's like wearing armor as I have made it perfectly clear everytime I've written about them. One thing for sure that has helped me deal with these foreign objects in my chest cavity is to do YOGA! I roll my eyes all the time that I've taken Yoga for granted all these years by not practicing it the way I should have. But if I can share with anyone -- whether male or female, YOGA is the bomb! It has helped me out immensely with my healing. Wow, I would never have believed this fact. I can move easier now because of it; I have better focus and my joints thank me because of this practice. I take Letrozole which suppresses the production of estrogen -- this drug affects my hands and joints (ligaments & tendons) in a way that feels like I have RA (Rheumatoid Arthritis) at times. It mainly affects me at night and first thing in the morning. I also get pain in my feet and ankles when I first get out of bed -- I walk like I have a corn cobb up my hiney till my joints get lubricated as I walk. So weird. But I go about my way and it gets better. But the yoga has relieved a lot of the side affects of this medicine. Considering the alternative, I don't mind these inconviences so much. I don't welcome them, but I don't mind them. I know eventually I'll be off this med and can get relief once again. It will be 5 years from now, but I have hope! Always have hope! Never give up! Look forward! I truly believe this with all my heart. That's what keeps me in check. There are so many worse things. There really are. Yes, I may have had Cancer, but I know others suffer worse than I do.
Wow, I keep getting side-tracked about my doctor's appointment. My surgeon finished his exam of me, which also consisted of listening to my heart/lungs, etc. He is a very thorough doctor. I just love this man! I feel so taken care of. He turns to me as he was finishing up with the exam and looked at me and my youngest daughter, Amy, and stated, "You are amazing and because of your positive attitude, you have come through this whole ordeal beyond my expectations." "You are so strong and it's wonderful to see how well you are doing." Who wouldn't feel good after those comments? What a shot in my arm!
Needless to say, I walked (or floated) out of the doctor's office with a great big smile! I don't have to see either doctor for 4 months. I will now see them every 4 months -- 3 times a year. Then I will move to every 6 months-- twice a year! Can't wait till it's once a year. The further away I am from the reminder I have had cancer, the better.
For now, I feel that sense of relief. I am so relieved! I can EXHALE fully knowing I am looking forward. My next step is to figure out what am I going to do now? What is the next step in my life? Will something show itself to me that I need to go into-- meaning new job and/or profession. Once again, I have no idea what is next. I guess, do any of us really know? Yes, some do. But I don't want to go back to a similar type job that I had before. It was way too stressful for me and I am going to avoid all that as much as possible. I realize one cannot avoid all stresses. That's unrealistic, but I'm not going to put myself back into a firepit. I just hope I find something that is a great fit for me and that I can make a difference. So we'll see.
Before I close, I have recently found a new massage therapist for lymphedema who works here in Murrieta. I feel so lucky to have finally found this person. She is a teacher in this field. This woman is originally from France and is quite the expert in this field. I have learned so much from her in the 3 weeks I've been with her. My arms are looking fantastic and my swelling has reduced significantly. I really don't have a major issue with lymphedema, but that's also because I've been smart about being diligent to avoid any potential issues. It's a new way of life for me, but it's all worth it. It's a very common sense approach to taking care of my swelling, but at least now I have a much better understanding as to how and why this occurs. Once again, yet another blessing in my life has been shown to me.
I hope to be able to communicate there is a great life after cancer. I know I'm still recovering and other things could crop up, but I'm not holding my breath. I'm moving forward with new expectations and, I believe, new hopes and dreams. I have to have this in order to fully heal. I don't want to always hold my breath each time something new comes up. I have had my moments in recent history that I worry about. But I keep my prayers alive and they are proving themselves to be the way to help me; I have to trust, which can be very daunting; and I hope a lot!
I do see my personality coming back. I also see my light spirit showing itself once again, which makes me happier and I'm getting out more and trying to meet more people. It's also very nice to know I'm running my house again, doing my "thing" the way I want to. And the best thing: I don't have to take naps anymore because I have to. I do rest from time to time as needed, but no biggy. I take a rest for about 30 minutes and then I'm off again doing my whatever.
Thank God for my knitting group that puts up with me and my weird sense of humor and sometimes very strong opinions. They have become very dear to me. I'm just Lynn to them and not the "cancer survivor." And if they feel that, I'm not made to feel that at all. They are a wonderful support to me and we share a lot with one another. (not about cancer, just sharing about life....) Thank You!
My Cup remains Half Full and continuing forward. Life is good and I am ever-so-grateful for this 2nd chance at life! I'm here - so hear me ROAR! God help us all! LOL!
Ciao, Ciao!
I haven't written in weeks, yet again. It's nice to know my life is getting more normal (whatever that means) as I continue to heal. I don't feel the need to get my emotions out into cyberspace on a routine basis, I guess.
I must admit, I do think about what I would say, and then don't follow through with the writing it down on my blog. But today, I must write this all down so I can document as well as "remember" what transpired down in my lovely, La Jolla -- Scripps Medical Center. I had my 3-month follow-up appointment to see my oncologist and my surgeon.
I have to say, I really feel very secure when I see these professionals. I can't always say I love doctors. There is that fear factor lurking in the background for me now. I remember when I would go to the doctor and think nothing of it. I would go with no issues in my head and just show up because it was an annual appointment I knew that was needed to be a responsible person doing their duty to take care of oneself -- plus I was younger, more fit and raising kids, working outside the home, etc. But now, post CANCER treatments, I feel differently. Perhaps, this is only normal considering what I've gone through this past year. I just "celebrated" my year since my last chemo treatment, which was July 21, 2011. It's rather ironic to me I can't remember certain birthdays of friends, anniversaries of others yet I can remember that date like I know my own birthday. I wish I could forget it, but that's not the case here. I don't really speak about it to others -- however, I did speak about it to my immediate family. I'm soooooooooo grateful I finished it and survived it! So grateful for so many things and I pray I never, ever have to relive or revisit chemo treatment again. My body is getting stronger each day and continues to show me that the toxins are leaving my body; yet I still have certain issues that surround chemo -- I can't eat certain foods, tastes are a little different still, etc. But the good news, they aren't that big of an issue. Maybe I've learned to live with certain changes. I don't like certain foods -- my tastebuds are different now. Overall, my body has changed quite a bit from before and I haved learned to live with those changes.
I think I veared off my immediate subject at hand. As I have stated, I saw my doctors today. With each follow-up visit, I always learn additional information about what I should be avoiding or what I need to check into for my future healing. I know I will always learn something new regarding how to continue to live my life in a cleaner, healthier way from here on forward. Sometimes I think we can get overwhelmed at how much information is out there about cancer and how to live post treatments; but one has to be very careful as to what is legitimate information vs. what is sensationalism. I read a lot of information, but I take it with a grain of salt. There's just so much to absorb.
Both my doctors gushed at how good I look and how healthy I am. Wow, what a wonderful conversation. I do feel wonderful and I feel like I'm getting my life back. I just need more time to figure out a few more things that don't have anything to do with my "physical" being. Pretty much now it's my emotional state of being. But my overall health is wonderful and I realize how lucky I am. I am truly blessed and I know it. I treasure it. I don't take it for granted whatsoever.
When I walked by my former chemo room today while being escorted into my exam room of my oncologist, I actually got a little choked up looking and observing the room as I walked by. That really surprised me. It must have to do with the fact I just celebrated my anniversary. I certainly don't miss that room, but I think it had to do with the fact all those hours there were about saving my life while I knew I was ingesting such poison. In my case, necessary poison. I wouldn't wish it on even my worst enemy having to endure the needles, fluid and then the side effects. But I made it through. I conquered it! I'm so proud of this fact.
My oncologist had me take a blood test in his office to see if there are any lasting issues that the chemo has left after one year. I will get those results sometime soon. I have really good veins, so it was easy to get the draw of my blood. Honestly, I have no worries. And I keep that prayer going on without sounding too glib -- believe you me, I don't take anything for granted.
I then left my oncologist's office and took the elevator up 2 more floors to my surgeon, who, by the way, is an amazingly great doctor as well. He see's me to check to make sure my bi-lateral surgery site is healing well. He also checks my former port area since I had veinous issues. He assured me that once I get my expanders out that I will once again have a normal sense of relief in my chest area. Oh, yeah, I still sport my expanders for those who have forgotten this little fact. It's like wearing armor as I have made it perfectly clear everytime I've written about them. One thing for sure that has helped me deal with these foreign objects in my chest cavity is to do YOGA! I roll my eyes all the time that I've taken Yoga for granted all these years by not practicing it the way I should have. But if I can share with anyone -- whether male or female, YOGA is the bomb! It has helped me out immensely with my healing. Wow, I would never have believed this fact. I can move easier now because of it; I have better focus and my joints thank me because of this practice. I take Letrozole which suppresses the production of estrogen -- this drug affects my hands and joints (ligaments & tendons) in a way that feels like I have RA (Rheumatoid Arthritis) at times. It mainly affects me at night and first thing in the morning. I also get pain in my feet and ankles when I first get out of bed -- I walk like I have a corn cobb up my hiney till my joints get lubricated as I walk. So weird. But I go about my way and it gets better. But the yoga has relieved a lot of the side affects of this medicine. Considering the alternative, I don't mind these inconviences so much. I don't welcome them, but I don't mind them. I know eventually I'll be off this med and can get relief once again. It will be 5 years from now, but I have hope! Always have hope! Never give up! Look forward! I truly believe this with all my heart. That's what keeps me in check. There are so many worse things. There really are. Yes, I may have had Cancer, but I know others suffer worse than I do.
Wow, I keep getting side-tracked about my doctor's appointment. My surgeon finished his exam of me, which also consisted of listening to my heart/lungs, etc. He is a very thorough doctor. I just love this man! I feel so taken care of. He turns to me as he was finishing up with the exam and looked at me and my youngest daughter, Amy, and stated, "You are amazing and because of your positive attitude, you have come through this whole ordeal beyond my expectations." "You are so strong and it's wonderful to see how well you are doing." Who wouldn't feel good after those comments? What a shot in my arm!
Needless to say, I walked (or floated) out of the doctor's office with a great big smile! I don't have to see either doctor for 4 months. I will now see them every 4 months -- 3 times a year. Then I will move to every 6 months-- twice a year! Can't wait till it's once a year. The further away I am from the reminder I have had cancer, the better.
For now, I feel that sense of relief. I am so relieved! I can EXHALE fully knowing I am looking forward. My next step is to figure out what am I going to do now? What is the next step in my life? Will something show itself to me that I need to go into-- meaning new job and/or profession. Once again, I have no idea what is next. I guess, do any of us really know? Yes, some do. But I don't want to go back to a similar type job that I had before. It was way too stressful for me and I am going to avoid all that as much as possible. I realize one cannot avoid all stresses. That's unrealistic, but I'm not going to put myself back into a firepit. I just hope I find something that is a great fit for me and that I can make a difference. So we'll see.
Before I close, I have recently found a new massage therapist for lymphedema who works here in Murrieta. I feel so lucky to have finally found this person. She is a teacher in this field. This woman is originally from France and is quite the expert in this field. I have learned so much from her in the 3 weeks I've been with her. My arms are looking fantastic and my swelling has reduced significantly. I really don't have a major issue with lymphedema, but that's also because I've been smart about being diligent to avoid any potential issues. It's a new way of life for me, but it's all worth it. It's a very common sense approach to taking care of my swelling, but at least now I have a much better understanding as to how and why this occurs. Once again, yet another blessing in my life has been shown to me.
I hope to be able to communicate there is a great life after cancer. I know I'm still recovering and other things could crop up, but I'm not holding my breath. I'm moving forward with new expectations and, I believe, new hopes and dreams. I have to have this in order to fully heal. I don't want to always hold my breath each time something new comes up. I have had my moments in recent history that I worry about. But I keep my prayers alive and they are proving themselves to be the way to help me; I have to trust, which can be very daunting; and I hope a lot!
I do see my personality coming back. I also see my light spirit showing itself once again, which makes me happier and I'm getting out more and trying to meet more people. It's also very nice to know I'm running my house again, doing my "thing" the way I want to. And the best thing: I don't have to take naps anymore because I have to. I do rest from time to time as needed, but no biggy. I take a rest for about 30 minutes and then I'm off again doing my whatever.
Thank God for my knitting group that puts up with me and my weird sense of humor and sometimes very strong opinions. They have become very dear to me. I'm just Lynn to them and not the "cancer survivor." And if they feel that, I'm not made to feel that at all. They are a wonderful support to me and we share a lot with one another. (not about cancer, just sharing about life....) Thank You!
My Cup remains Half Full and continuing forward. Life is good and I am ever-so-grateful for this 2nd chance at life! I'm here - so hear me ROAR! God help us all! LOL!
Ciao, Ciao!
No comments:
Post a Comment